Infinite (Eminem Fanfic)

25. Fan Mails & Stalkers

Jordyn's P.O.V.

A few days later, Marshall and I are supposed to be going back to LA.

Marshall seems mostly excited about it, the only thing upsetting him being the fact that he would be away from Hailie again, and whenever I so much as I asked him how it went last time he's gone to Kim's to see his little girl, he would always deflect and change the subject. Which is not very much like him. Normally, you can't stop Marshall from talking about his daughter, it's honestly so beautiful how much he loves her.

But I don't know, he seems to be on an edge lately, and what hurts me a little bit is the fact that he won't open up to me about it, not like how he used to. He's been distant with me instead. But I'm not going to push him about it or anything because one thing about our relationship is that we try to always make sure the other person feels comfortable and secure in it. Well... we are not exactly always perfect when it comes to that, but we still do try.

Anyways, because Marshall is seemingly going through something right now, I decide to not even mention to him certain things that's been bugging me lately, just so that I won't add to his plate. Him always saying I'm his peace makes me want to be just that for him, and not sour up the mood bitching about my own problems, especially considering the fact that what I've been feeling upset about lately makes me seem damn near ungrateful and like I don't appreciate this big opportunity handed to me in life. This whole thing with my budding music career.

The thing is though that, unlike Marshall I am not at all happy with the public image the label I'm signed to insists I portray. See like, with Marshall and this Slim Shady persona, even though he isn't ACTUALLY this Slim Shady character, it still comes so easy and natural for him to act like him. While with me, the image I'm told to portray for the public, it's not exactly... bad, but it'd just so not me, and I feel like it's taking it's toll on me pretending I'm something I'm not.

I'm a tomboy, always have been. At times a little insecure about it, at times wishing I was more girly, but the truth of the matter is, I'm not and having to constantly parade myself around, acting like something I'm not, keeping up with this image the label wants me to uphold, dressed in all these ridiculous revealing outfits, and singing in music videos about love, it's just beginning to be more and more annoying to me, I feel so fake and like I'm selling out just to get famous. Savannah keeps telling me that I'm probably just exagerratimg and getting cold feet, but the thing is I am now starting to realize more and more that I am not even all that passionate about being a singer. I used to think I was, it used to be all Savannah and I would talk about ever since we were two teenage girls running around the streets of Detroit. But I'm realizing more and more now that it was always more her dream than mine. See, I would have been happier just singing in the shower or something.

I don't know. Maybe I AM being ungrateful like I said.

And the craziest thing about all that is that I never even knew any of this about myself, until I started to really watch Marshall during his shows, seeing how passionate he is about performing and how much of himself he puts into it. To him rap literally is life. While to me singing was more like a hobby that I now happen to start to get famous off of.

But I'm too scared to open my mouth because I feel like I would disappoint literally everybody.

And I've got that music video shoot with Jay-Z to do first thing next week, forst thing to do once I get back to California.

I'm trying to tell myself to feel a little more excited about it now. It's Jay-Z after all, and having him as a feature would definitely give both the song and the music video a lot of buzz and attention.

In the meantime, Marshall is going out to hang out with some of his friends here in Detroit. Some white boys he apparently had formed a rap group with before hooking up with Proof and the rest of the guys and forming D12. Those are Marshall's friends from back in the day and while he had asked if I wanted to come with him, I had figured that I'll just be getting in his way of catching up with them and reminiscing about whatever they want to reminisce or whatever.