A Writer's Notebook / Collection of Short Stories

Her favourite 'what if' [🇺🇸]

DATE: 06/03/2023

"What are you thinking about?", she asked as she noticed his thoughtful expression.
"Oh, it's nothing. I'm just worried about you."
"That is very sweet of you, but i'll be fine", she tried to calm him and whispered to herself: "In the end I always make it somehow..."
"But it's not right! He doesn't treat you right!", he got upset.
"Well...no. But I coudn't know..."
"You should seriously leave him...You deserve better."
She sighted: "I guess you're right..."
"It's really frustrating...", he suddenly added.
"What?", she asked.
"It's frustrating that you're going to break up with him now...I've waited for you for so long...And now that I'm finally happy with someone new, you break up with him..."
She looked at him speechless while he was looking down on the floor. Knowing exactly what he was implying and feeling sorry for having hurt him, she sat down on the floor next to him, also looking to the ground.
"Please don't regret not having broken up earlier...", he begs.
And she perfectly knew what situation she had put him in. She knew how deep he desired her. But she had been too afraid; too afraid to love him and lose him forever. So she had focused all her feelings on someone else; someone her parents would approve and who had financial and emotional stability. But deep down she knew that she had always loved him. That didn't matter though...She had been so scared of losing him that she had now lost him forever. And to not open his wound more she answered trying to hold back her tears: "There is nothing to regret except that I didn't see what an idiot he was earlier."
Oh, how she knew that she had just hurt him so bad. But she was doing him a favour. If he thought that she never loved him, then he wouldn't feel guilty for having found somebody else. She wanted to prevent him from more pain. She had already caused him enough.
In that second she pronounced those words though, she felt how her heart broke into a thousand pieces. She had tried so hard not to fall for him, but she had slowly become aware that she loved him. And now she had punched a knife into her own heart. But there was nothing she could have done. Giving him any hope now would have been so pointless. He had finally found a girl who was perfect for him and was able to give him the type of love that she never could and never would. She knew that no matter how much they loved each other, it was meant to fail. And it was better if he stayed in the dark about her feelings. He should think that it was just a crush he had to get over. She, on the other hand, would forever know that it had been a forbidden fantasy. He would forever be her favourite 'what if...'.