Scar wars (Larry fanfic)

Harry

What if I let my heart live outside the cage I put it in?

 I close my eyes enjoying the feeling of the warm water going down my body. The water is so hot that my bathroom mirror clouds up instantly but I don't mind it. I ran my hand through my already wet hair and just let out all the pressure. I calm down my breathing, I lean against the wall sliding down the floor inch by inch. In a second I'm just sitting on the bathroom floor, the water falling directly on top of my head and I'm going back down. Falling again. Just me and my mind. I look down at my feet. I see my insecurities. I hate them because- 

No. I can't fall again.

  I pick myself up and start washing my hair. I don't realise I'm crying just the moment I step out of the shower and clean the mirror. I shake my head immediately and wipe them off. I place my hands on the sink leaning close to the mirror, watching me right in the eyes 

"Stop it!" I whisper but I don't sound convincing. 

"Stop it!" I tell myself once again. More harshly. More convincing. Less forced. And I dress up ready for a new day of work. My heart won't live outside the cage ever again.

As I step out of my car the cold air hits my face instantly creating shivers all over my body. The sirens disturb the peaceful morning of London and a good morning of many families. With the risk of sounding like a psychopath the sirens give me a feeling of peace, because they remind me of the day I set myself free. The day I won the battle with my fate. The day I felt my power, the power I never let down ever again. The day Harry became a free person. 

My thoughts got interrupted by one nurse coming running at me and relating in a rushed tone “Dr. Styles, code blue. Five men involved in a mass accident.” And just by hearing these two sentences all of me is focused on saving five lives like my life depends on this.

Time passes so fast on busy days, this is how I found myself checking the time and remaining surprised with my eyes locked on my watch. 5pm. The surgery I performed ended well, the man I saved is in a good condition outside any risks. My phone lit up, my screen showing the footage of the other surgery, the surgery that left a family of four without a father figure. Unfortunately not all the surgeries end well for surgeons and this surgery is one of the hardest. I didn't get that patient, I already had one similar patient so this one went to the chief surgeon, Oliver Johnson. He is a good surgeon, I can’t say anything bad about him but he is a little old and I’m afraid he will retire soon. He taught me the professional things I know and he always made sure to tell me when I was doing something wrong. I can say he helped me become the best surgeon in this hospital and I will always be grateful for that. I have a half an hour break and by the way my yaws are manifesting I need a coffee.

Yesterday a new cafe opened right next to the hospital so I decided to give it a try. I take my red bag. I take my coat. Red coat. And I head towards the cafe. It has a stupid name. Coffee 4 you. Such a common name. I definitely don't like it. It gives me bad vibes. And I already started hating this place. 

This is one of my flaws. First impressions matter the most to me. And I am very hard to please. Maybe this is why I'm alone on this earth. I step inside and the smell hits me first. Christmas. Cinnamon. Oranges. Coffee. Wow. It's nice inside. It's warm. I'm warm. It almost feels like home. I sit on the table from the corner and wait. I take out my phone and start watching Oliver’s surgery. Our surgeries are always recorded because they are used as study materials for residents or students, but also as proof that the surgeon did nothing wrong in the surgery. This hospital is very strict on mistakes and this does not help my battle with perfectionism. Yes, I am a perfectionist and very observant, I notice all the little details.

As the waiter’s messed up collar. The first look I gave him and my eyes got locked on his collar. He walks towards my table and I can’t focus on anything else but his damn collar.

Get your shit together, Harry! 

I look at the man sitting right in front of me. He stares at me. I say nothing. He says nothing. At this point this uncomfortable silence drives me crazy and for the first time in years makes me feel powerless and I hate that. 

"Hello, what can I get you?" Damn. His voice is deep. I never heard a voice this deep as his. I almost hate it. But not entirely. And I hate it. Because I'm used to all or nothing kind of things. I stare at him. I stare at his collar. 

That needs to be fixed! 

I move. The same thing I do everytime I'm uncomfortable, I bite my inside cheek and rub my fingers on my wrist. I feel like all the air in this coffee shop got inhaled by the big breath he took one second ago. I have to say something and I can't bring myself to think about something. I also take a deep breath and say the first thing that went through my mind besides his collar.

"What can you get me? Do you have a menu?" I ask. I'm not trying to be mean. I'm trying to get familiar with the surroundings. I will need more than a sentence to trust this man especially when his collar is- 

STOP! It's not that big of a deal. 

He stares at me, his lips forming a thin line and a deep exhale leaving his nostrils, he nods and turns around without any other word. Did I get him angry? I don’t think so. I swear it didn’t pass more than a second and the man is back with the menu. He hands me the menu. It's something about him, his eyes. He looks heartless. His eyes are empty,but they are so beautiful and breathtaking at the same time, for the first time in years, I feel transparent in front of a man but I can't help it. His eyes are ice blue and it suits them because I freeze when I look into his eyes. He looks like he has a stone instead of a heart. I haven't realised he left. I am holding the menu staring into space. Doing nothing. I shake my head and scan the menu. I see something I crave for. Tiramisu. 

Oh dear, I haven't eaten one in years… since the disaster happened.

I bite my lips and I hear steps coming towards my table. When I look up he's here again. The collar is still not right and I'm holding myself back from fixing it. I smile at him this time "I want a black coffee and a tiramisu, please" I say softly, like I’m afraid to hurt him. 

"We don't have tiramisu at the moment. Can I get you something else?" 

"Just the coffee" And for the first time I see his hand. He is clearly working out. He turns around and I see his back. Visible muscles through his white shirt. I have to stop staring, so I go back to my phone. I watch Oliver doing that surgery and something is wrong in his way of acting. i've watched his surgeries one by one but this one is wrong. He hesitated multiple times, it’s like I'm watching a resident. I stare at my phone overthinking everything. The video is not even rolling anymore but I don’t notice. A coffee appeared on my left and it almost scared me. The man came with my coffee faster than I anticipated. 

I look at him, directly in his blue eyes and I say "Thank you" which brings me a first smile from him. A smile that doesent reach his eyes, a emotionless smile a forced smile but it's there. I smile back, same smile, same emotionless smile and I go back to my phone. I sip from my coffee and it's actually really good. Okay another time fate showed me that the first impression isn't always right. I try to focus on my phone. I can't. That man was walking around with his collar messed up. The man that helped me with everything is going through something and I have no idea what. My attention goes back to the waiter the moment he walks past my table to his desk. I take my coffee and go to him ready to go back to the hospital. He looks at me frowned.

"Is there a problem?" He asks, confused. 

"Yes there is. Your collar is messed up" I say and he tries to fix it but his hands are full so he fails. "Wait, let me do it" I put down the coffee and fixed his collar.

Now it is perfect.

I take my coffee. I look at him. "Is there a chance you know when you'll have tiramisu?" I really want that tiramisu.

He shakes his head. "I don't know, I'm sorry"

I sigh and nod. "Alright. Thank you" I turn around and leave to talk with Oliver.

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Oh hi! This is one of the fanfics I'm the most proud of and I hope you will enjoy it. Please let me know if you like it. <3