Scar wars (Larry fanfic)

Harry

He hugged me and I felt like a whole again. Maybe he won't leave. Maybe…

But what if he will?

The thoughts are back. And they are worse than ever. I shake my head and try to stop them. I talked with Niall that I have to go to my therapist again. I need to accept him, I want to accept him, but first of all I have to heal myself before. I can't accept him knowing who I am. 

The night shift passed faster than I anticipated. Probably because it was busier than usual. I leave the hospital and I exhale deeply. Back at home or more correctly, back to the thoughts. I'm terrified. I'm actually scared to go home because I'm scared of my mind. I decided to go and drink tea. Maybe one to make me sleep. 

I just don't want to go home. 

It's 7am so the cafe is empty as usual. Louis is just preparing his desk and he sees me and smiles softly before looking away. I never have thoughts when I'm with him. Maybe Niall was right. 

What if he's good for me, not bad as the other ones were? 

I sit on my table and he comes to me. I don't want to look in his eyes and see the same cold eyes. I'm scared. "What can I get for you?" His voice is warm, comforting, my eyes go up to look at him and he smiles softly, his eyes are so warm. I look away whispering underneath my breath "God" and he giggles.

"Why are you giggling?" I ask and he giggles some more. "Because you underestimate me, Harry Styles. So bad" I look at him and he pouts adorably "I'm not the kind of person to give up on someone. Now, what can I get for you?" 

The first sentence made my heart dance, I've never heard this from anyone. I needed this. "Um… a tea… to make me sleep." He smiles and nods leaving. He comes back with a tiramisu and a tea and my face lights up. "No way." I say surprised and he smiles widely "I need to know your thoughts about it, Queen of Italy."

I smile widely and take a bite. It's heaven. It's just like I remember. It's exactly like I remember. "Louis, this is so good." He smiles and says gently "Thank God. I'm glad you like it."

"I love it." I say and he smiles softly leaving the table. I didn't know a tiramisu can bring so much happiness but it does. I suddenly feel amazing eating it and my heart is dancing. Just like it does when I'm with him. I finish my tea and tiramisu and sit there watching the birds coming at the window. 

Even the birds are together and not just one. 

Why was I made to be alone?

Was I though? 

I suddenly see Louis walking outside and feeding the birds. This is why they were coming. They needed food. I smile feeling like my heart doubled its size and look at him. 

Can't I just stay here all day?

Away from any thought. Away from pain. I want to stay here.

But I can't. I promised myself I won't force him to have a broken boyfriend or friend. I run my fingers on my lips. 

We kissed. 

We actually kissed. 

It felt like I never felt before. So gentle and healing. What if we can heal each other? 

My thoughts got interrupted by a gunshot. Louis was at his desk and he froze. I ran outside to check for injuries and I saw a couple of people gathered around a man on the ground. I run towards him and another doctor comes too. The gun is on the ground. 

Suicide 

I let the doctor check on him and he shakes his head sadly. No pulse. The bullet went directly through his forehead, definitely dead. But we have to try, right? "Take him inside and do CPR on him." I say and the doctor does what I say. I decided to take a step back because my shift ended so I went back to take my things. I entered and Louis was nowhere to be seen.

"Louis?" I call out his name but nothing. I frown and go to his office hoping he's there but he's not. I come back with a frown and I try to walk towards the kitchen but then I see him. Behind his desk, on the ground, with his knees pulled to his chest and his hands covering his ears. He doesn't cry. But he doesn't move. I ran to him touching his face trying to wake him up.

"Louis? Louis, look at me. Look" his face is in my hands and I hit him softly but he doesn't move. I looked around for a glass of water and I wet my hands splashing a little water on his face. And he blinks his breath starting again. I brush back his hair and his breath comes back but not how it should. Shakily and barely there. His eyes fill with tears and my heart breaks. We're both broken. 

"Louis? Look at me. Please look at me. You're fine. You're safe. That gunshot wasn't for you. C'mon look at me." His body tensed and he got up and ran in his office. I sigh and go to his door. I can hear him sobbing, I can hear him whimpering, he has a panic attack. I try to open the door and happily he didn't lock it. I enter the room and see him on the couch with his hands in his hair pulling his hair up from his scalp. I touch his back softly and he shakes his head "I'm fine" he says but his voice betrays him so badly.

I sit next to him and pull him towards my chest by his shoulders. He remains tense for a period of time sobbing and breathing like the air is limited and I kiss his head softly, the moment when he wraps his arms around my torso and cries in my arms. I softly run my hand through his hair and tell him that he's okay, that nothing happened, that he's good and he finally calms down. I don't break the hug because his arms are still so tight around my body so I just let him calm down.

He suddenly breaks the hug and looks at me. "Sorry. Sorry I didn't want to-" I shush him before finishing the sentence and speak "Shut up. Are you okay? Let me bring you some water, okay?"

He nods and I go and take a glass of water. I come back and I hand him the water and he takes it with shaking hands and I sit next to him. He puts the glass on the table and I hug him again. "Are you afraid?" I ask and he nods without saying anything. "What happened?" He asks and I rest my cheek on top of his head. "Someone lost their war." I say softly because saying someone killed themselves it's too harsh and he hugs me tighter. 

Five minutes later he smiles at me getting up. "Thank you for your help." He says and I smile saying "I guess we're even now" He giggles and looks in my eyes. "More than you think" it's all he says and I get up and walk in front of him to my table. 

"I have to go home now" I say and turn to him "will you be alright?" He nods smiling and I smile at him. I pay for my order and leave. 

Maybe he won't leave.

_________________________________________
I think Harry is giving in! I THINK HARRY IS GIVING IN!