Scar wars (Larry fanfic)

Harry

Now this happened. I couldn't go to the hospital so I went home and my knees go liquid the moment I lock the door. My heart is hurting, the tears are trying to heal my heart but they don't succeed. It hurts like hell. Everything hurts but it's better this way. Letting anyone see the real me will bring me pain. It'll bring them pain. I had to step away, even if I hurt both of us.

Everything that happened lately in my life made me realise everyone that comes into my life and everyone I think loves me will leave. Louis is so important to me already and I can't do this to me. I'm broken, so broken he has no idea who he's dealing with. I need to forget him. 

The next morning I enter the cafe looking down. I've cried a lot in the last 24 hours and not even makeup can hide my red and swollen eyes anymore. I sit at my table and a very familiar body walks towards me. I look up and my eyes meet the same heartless eyes I've seen on the first day and my heart breaks. 

I broke him too.

He hands me the menu like he wouldn't know my everyday order and suddenly my body rejects the air I'm trying to give to it. He walks away and I look at the menu. One minute later he walks towards the table and says with a cold voice that gives me shivers. "What can I get for you?"

I look in his eyes ignoring the pain I created myself and say "A black coffee" He turns around and leaves. I stare at my hands and I can't believe how much it hurts. I pushed people before. Not like him… he was perfect. I wasn't. The other men I pushed weren't. But he was. Probably this is why I freaked out. Because I would've hurt so bad if he would've realised who I really am and I know he'd leave.

It'll pass. This feeling won't last long, I hope. What stresses me out though is that I will never see his smile again and it's like a knife stabbed in my heart. 

I deserve it.

Maybe if he would've hugged me yesterday I wouldn't have left. Maybe… who am I fooling? Yesterday I was terrified that I got attached so I left. I wouldn't have stopped. This is one of the scars. Everytime someone gets close to me and I start to trust them I run. 

My thoughts are interrupted by the coffee appearing on my table and I am not even daring to look up. I take it and take a sip. 

It's still heaven.

And suddenly I have a knot in my throat. What if he wouldn't have left? 

Have I lost him completely? 

I take another sip and try to clear my mind. I have to stop overthinking. It's better this way. Maybe tomorrow we'll both be better. 

Spoiler alert. We're not. I sat down at my table and my heart is still hurting. I haven't talked with Niall since that day, I haven't smiled since that day. I haven't slept since that day. Everything goes down the hill. 

He looks at me with the same cold eyes sometimes, because sometimes he doesn't look at me at all. I don't dare to look in his eyes how I used to. I can't look inside his eyes knowing I am the artist of that. 

I messed up.

So bad.

I walk towards the exit and I hear my name coming from his mouth. "Harry!" My breath stops, my heart stops and I turn around. Maybe he wants to try one more time. Maybe-

I forgot my phone.

He hands me my phone and I look at it whispering "Thank you." He clears his throat and says harshly but at the same time gently "It's a precious thing don't lose it or you'll have to work for it again." 

And he leaves. Am I crazy or was he talking about himself? Was he surely talking about the phone? I turn around and leave the cafe. Probably I'm reading into things too much.

I lost him. And this time he won't come back

I take a deep breath and go to work. 24 hours shift. I'll see him one more time tonight. 

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Did Harry really lose him or is Louis hurting as much as him? I guess we'll find out.