Scar wars (Larry fanfic)

Louis

The moment he steps out of the cafe I exhale deeply. Playing heartless in front of him it's the hardest thing I've ever done. It's weird to stop myself from smiling at him or joke just to see him smiling because lately that was my favourite hobby ever and now having to watch his face without a smile it's like I'd drink coffee without coffee. 

He's extremely anxious lately, he doesn't stop playing with his wrists and picking up his skin from his wrist. 

Does he regret it as much as I do?

I tried hating him. I tried finding things I hate about him like I did with the other people that hurt me. But the only things I can think of are that he's afraid and this is why he's pushing me away, about his speech about wars and especially the part where he said he doesn't care when he loses one, and his hurt and full of pain eyes don't leave my mind at all. 

I keep thinking about the fact that maybe he didn't want to push me away but in that moment he freaked out and decided to do it. Maybe if I'd been in his place I would've done the same way. 

I have to talk with Niall.

Or I shouldn't. 

I should let him go.

I can't. 

Letting him go is like I'd let someone pull out the knife inside my heart, it'll cause my death. Maybe we should go back to just joking around like two stupid people. He was happy then. His eyes weren't full of hurt then. I was happy. 

You made me need you.

This is something that keeps playing in my mind. The way he said it. The using part. And I get it. He went through this alone for a long time, now having someone to comfort him feels wrong and good at the same time. 

I have to talk with Niall.

I secretly took his phone number from Harry's phone while he was sleeping so I just dial his name and wait for him to answer. 

"Niall Horan here." I hear him saying from the other end and I clear my throat. "Hi, Niall, it's Louis."

"Did something happen with Harry? What happened? I-"

"Wait." I stop him. "Nothing happened I was just wondering if… shit it'll sound weird alright? But just answer me. He said he doesn't let you be there for him, right?"

"He doesn't let anyone be there for him, Louis. That's the problem."

I sigh "Shit."

"I haven't talked to him since that day… usually he calls after a few days. Have you seen him?" He asks and I swallow thick "Yeah… I've seen him" now I hear him sighing "He pushed you away too huh?" 

"Yep" I answer, popping the 'p' sound and Niall sighs "Welcome into the family."

I giggle freaking out and rubbing my hand to my face and I hear him speak softly "He cares this is why he did it. He thinks he's protecting himself from pain." 

"Yeah well sorry to break it to you but he doesn't seem happy at all, not even painless. What he's trying to do is not working and it messes with my head." I sigh in syncron with him and continue "I thought he might at least let you be there for him, this is why I called."

"No, Louis. He doesn't. And I don't like to try my luck because fear leads him and when it does he's capable of everything."

"As?" I whisper softly and he continues "As  deleting you from his life completely." I sigh and exhale deeply. "Please don't tell him I called you." I say and he quickly responds "No, don't worry. He won't know. It's incredible he let you be there for him that day." 

"Yeah well… I risked it all. Thank you, Niall. Bye" He returns the "Bye" and ends the call. 

Am I ready to risk even more for him to be happy?

I already lost him, it can't get worse than this.

The day passed and at 9pm he walked in again. I take a deep breath and watch him go to his table again. I go to him and he looks at me, in my eyes, again. "What can I get for you?" I say and it came out more coldly than I wanted maybe because I'm forcing myself not to jump in his arms and holding him there forever.

"One black coffee." He replies with shaking voice and I turn around. 

Is he not eating again?

And suddenly I decided to give him a free croissant too. To be damned if I let him do that to himself again. I turn back to his table and place the coffee and the croissant in front of him. Probably seeing the croissant he looks up at me. Pain in his eyes, regret? Without my want I let a small smile escape and he smiles back, relieved, a small full of guilt smile and I leave. 

He pulls out his phone and calls someone. Someone that answers fast. Must be Niall. 

"Hi Ni, buddy." He says and I smile, finally. I do listen to their conversation because I'm worried sick. "Yeah don't worry I'm good… mhm he helped me." His bottom lip started shaking while saying the last sentence and my heart broke. "I know, buddy, I just… I can't." Silence, probably listening to Niall and then he speaks. "I'll try, okay? I'll call her again, I have to do it before trying again. I can't do this to him" the last part was more whispered so I thank myself for knowing how to lip read. "the person he met isn't the person I am" That's more whispered but I got it all. 

Omg I feel bad by doing this but I need a sign. And I got it. I won't let him escape me again. I went back to work and he talked with Niall some more. After he finished his call he got up and came to me. "Another coffee please." I nod and look in his eyes. He sighs looking away and I go to make him his coffee. I hand it to him and he smiles "Thank you for the croissant. It was really good." He looks at me now, and his eyes are full of tears. I walk from behind my desk going in front of him and he looks at me like begging me to help him. 

I smile sadly and open my arms saying "Come here you idiot." And without any hesitation he buries his face in my neck holding me tight, his breath is shaky and I hold him tight until it evens. He breaks the hug and looks at me sadly "Strangers don't hug." 

"Just shut up." I say wiping off the tears from his face and he closes his eyes leaning into my touch. "I-I have to go to work" He says and I nod. "Go save the world." I say smiling and he smiles back. "Bye" He says and leaves immediately after. I take a deep breath Inhaling his cologne and smile. Maybe he won't push me away. Maybe he has a soft spot for me too.

Because I'd do anything for him.

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Louis did it. He refused to give up. They hugged!!