It smelled of disinfectant, but I tried to drown it out by scrolling through the images. Images of friends and strangers cover my feed and instead of looking away when the dinging stops, I stay distracting myself. That was my job for the last couple of weeks, and there was an important task of not crying in public. I fail at those two jobs when I second I think about the person I called my home for so long, and can't anymore.
I know before I look up that the facade is broken. Then, everything shattered. No matter how good I got at ignoring him, or pushing down my feelings when I see him across the table at our meetings.
Matt. My home...but he's no longer that anymore.
"Hi" he started, giving me a small smile.
"Hi" I replied, looking away from him and his new suit. It felt like a marathon to look away from him in that suit.
"I was wondering if we could talk" he started, and I rolled my eyes before he got to finish.
"I don't want to talk, Matt"
"Y/N, please. Just let me finish" he said and I gulped against the lump in my throat.
"No, you don't get to"
A few weeks earlier
"What's so funny on your phone?" I asked, dropping his mail beside his keyboard. He laughed again, staring at his phone.
"Your Dad"
"I should've known" I sighed, sitting down on a chair, watching him text on his phone. "I swear, you talk to my dad more than I do"
"Are you getting jealous?" He teased, putting down his phone to look at me.
"No, why would I be? It makes me happy"
"Not sure I believe you, honey" he said, popping a mint into his mouth. "Then, why do you get so bent out of shape sometimes?"
I huffed and smiled. "Maybe because he doesn't answer when I call because he's talking to someone else"
"Hey, now" Matt waved me over to him when I stood up. "Don't be that way"
"I'm not being any way" I said, admiring his new books on his shelf.
"Come here, my stubborn girl" he said and I obeyed, taking slow steps over to him. "Hi"
"Hi" I return, as softly as he had said it. He smiled, reminding me why it was hard to stay mad at him.
"Are you grumpy?" He asked, winking at me.
"No. Are you ready to get started on the case? We can't be kidding around, you know?"
"I know" he said, with sadness in his voice. He pulled me closer and rested his head on my collarbone
"Then why are you the last few days? I thought you were excited for this case"
"I am, but it's scary. I don't know if I'm cut for it"
He said, stroking my back. "What if we don't win it, Y/N?" He asked, lifting his head and looking into my eyes, showing me he was afraid
"We can only do our best, Matt. That's what you always tell me"
"And what if that isn't good enough? Everyone will be watching, waiting to see what happens" he said, avoiding my eyes
"It is and it will be, Matt. I promise"
He nodded, but didn't say anything. His question repeated itself in my head, and I wished I could express my worry too. I grew more confident of my abilities since I started working with him and I always leaned on him and his skills, but now I was worried to do that. I was afraid too.
