"Thanks for the ride"
"Of course" she answered. The silence was hard to swallow, only making me feel more hollow. I didn't know if it was something I felt lately or didn't feel. Our baby was growing inside me, so I shouldn't feel that way, but after the argument with Matt, I feel emptier. "Do you want to talk about it?"
I shook my head and sat at the kitchen island as Holly opened the refrigerator, looking through the shelves. It had changed here since I left, what used to be our apartment, was now just hers.
"Hungry? I can warm up some soup"
"Sounds good" my answer was honest and it became more so as the smell trickled over to me. Stirring it after she set it in front of me, I watch as the mini tornadoes form in the soup.
"Here, if you want more I'll leave the bottle out, it seems like one of those nights"
Lifting my head, I saw the tall glass of red wine in front of me. I was glad Holly turned her back to warm up her soup because my eyes couldn't have gone wider. I can't drink that, but how do I tell her? I had to tell her, but the same reason that this whole thing scared me came back up.
"Are you sure you're okay, Y/N?"
"I can't, Holly" I said, pushing the glass away. Instead, I lifted some soup on to my spoon and blew at it to cool it down.
"Why not? You always have a glass when you're here, seeing as you can't when Matt's around" she shrugged, still with her back to me. Matt had been the only one to tell someone else so far, and now it was going to become four. "What, do you have some medical condition, weirdo?" She joked and turned around. It's a good thing she set down her soup, because her hand flew to her mouth when she realised.
"Oh my god, are you-" her eyes started to well up, but mine already had as I nodded my head.
"Matt and I..we're going to have a baby" my voice was shaky as I let out a sob. My head fell first, but I didn't have time to curl in on myself before she pulled me into her.
"Oh, Y/N, that's great. You're going to be a Mom. I know you've always wanted to be one" she laughed, sniffling. "Y/N, what's wrong? Does this have something to do with you not going home with Matt?"
"I..." my words escape me as the memory flashes before my eyes. All of the times I biked to Holly's, with a racing heart after an argument with my Mom. "I'm so afraid, Holly...that I'll be a terrible Mom, just like mine. I know I'm like her in some ways, what if I'm a bad parent like her?"
"Y/N that could never be true. Just because you had a crap Mom doesn't mean you'll be one too. She showed you all the ways to not be a parent" she said, smoothing my hair. "You'll be a great Mom, Y/N. You always took care of Robert and I, you were there for your Dad when he was ill. You never gave up on Matt, even through all of the crap you've been through, you still loved him. I'll be there to help too"
None of it makes sense. I felt the way she tightened her arms around me, comforting me. Until suddenly it made sense and my heart flies to my throat.
Pulling away from Holly, she brushed away the hair stuck to my face. "Matt and I got into this huge fight before he went to court"
"Did you tell him what you told me?"
"No" I sobbed, shaking my head. "I didn't know how to, he says he knows I'll be a good Mom too, but I keep pushing him away. He thinks I don't want the baby, but I do. I started the fight Holly and he just walked away"
"It's okay, he'll understand"
"I have to call him and apologise" I leave her arms and wipe my cheeks. My movements are quick as I grab my phone and dial his number. "He should be done by now" I mumbled to myself, looking at the clock on the wall. It rings and rings, and despite her words, the sour feeling in my gut grew.
