There's only a few chapters left in this series 🥺
I lost count of how many times I fell back to sleep since he left for work, the second time in the last two days. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss him, because I missed him all of the time. I wasn't sure why I snapped at him for going back to work. I did but I couldn't think about it after the way he broke down in front of me and I didn't do anything. I thought he'd moved on...That's how it went. Nightmares were always guaranteed, but for the first time in our relationship, I comforted myself back to sleep. Somehow, my tears didn't wake him, but last night when he woke up with a gasp that melted into tears, I knew he was busy with his own.
At first, I thought I was imagining it, or maybe that was my coping mechanism now. Denial. But when the knocking on the door turned into ringing the doorbell, I knew it was real. It didn't stop after a few times, like the delivery guy would. This person was persistent. By the time I moved to check the clock, it had stopped. He's been gone an hour and I missed him.
Me: I hope work is going good
Only a few minutes went by until my phone buzzed with a reply.
Matt: thanks, it's just meetings and an interview
Me: I know you hate both. New hire?
Matt: possibly. I hope you're getting good rest
Matt: do you want me to pick you up something for lunch? Starbucks? Pizza?
Me: you pick
Then, I locked my phone and placed it face down on the bedside table, not able to continue a conversation about food. Another wave of tears came back at missing him and wanting normal back, but the sleep didn't follow. I wasn't sure if I was grateful or not when I pulled the blankets back.
The quiet in the house hit me into the face when I stepped into the hallway. It had been hard at times, mostly at night when things were at their worst. During the day, it was never this quiet. The TV was always playing, and I was sat in front of it, watching the end of a movie Matt and I watched.
I neared the end of the hallway and the doorbell rang again. It was the forth time and the person hadn't stopped. The surprise on their face was just as strong as mine when I opened the door, in front of Matt's grandmother.
"Hi" she said softly. I may be biased towards all grandma's, but Matt's checked all the points and more.
"Hi..uh..Matt isn't here right now. He had to go to work this morning" I rushed, not sure of why I'm telling her this, but I know why. I hadn't spoken to anyone else that wasn't Matt or my doctor since it happened...Sure texts to Holly, my Dad and Robert.
"I was uh..hoping I could come in" she suggested. I stood there, shocked by her request. I had come to love this woman like she was my grandma, and yet here I am, not opening the door. "Maybe we can wait for him together with some cookies"
Dropping my eyes, I watched as she lifted a Saran wrapped plate of cookies. Her famous cookies that Matt had compared to any cookie or brownie of mine to over the years, and I found out why.
"You know I can't turn these down" I mumbled, feeling a small smile. She smiled at me, following me into the house that felt even emptier when we stepped inside. I closed the door behind her, pulling my hands into the sweater Matt gave me. "Can I get you something to drink? Water? Coffee?" I asked as she set her bag down on the counter and took a seat on the chair.
"Coffee would be great" she said, smiling. I nodded, forgetting how it feels to talk to another person. I hadn't been able to keep a conversation with Matt, never mind his grandmother.
