After Effects

Chapter 21. - Metulji

When we got home we still hadn't spoken a word to each other. I almost fell asleep in the car on the way back to the hotel. I was so tired. My body - especially legs - were shaking. My eyelids were heavy and crusty from the dried tears in the crook of my eyes. I think the guys were a bit confused as to why neither Bojan or I were talking. I didn't sit with Bojan on the way home. I did sit on my usual seat but this time i was sat next to Maks. He was sitting between Bojan and I. Maks had given me permission to rest my head on his shoulder so that was what i did. But his shoulder wasn't as nice as Bojans. I think it was the first time Bojan even looked at me when i rested my head on Maks' shoulder. I didn't have the energy to read Bojan in the car but he didn't seem too satisfied. 

As Bojan was getting ready in the bathroom, i took my medication. I looked a the blue pills in my hand. 3 pills.

What would happen if i took the whole pack?

Would it be enough to overdose or would it just make be crazy? Maybe i'd finally stop being a pussy and finally claw my eyes out? Then i had one less sense to worry about. 

I heard the door to the bathroom unlock so i hurriedly packed away the pills and chugged them down with a glass of water. Bojan was still wearing his pants and very ugly t-shirt. He had his phone in his hands and looked up at me when he realized how quiet the room were. I was just sitting on the bed, starring at him. I waited patiently for him to make a move. But he didn't. 

We heard a knock on the door. I really couldn't face anybody else than Bojan right now and i didn't want to either. I could barely even face him. I got up from the bed and grabbed my cigarettes and lighter and went out on the balcony. The temperature was perfect for a goodnight-cigarette. As soon as i lit my cig i heard Bojan open the door and being greeted by someone. It sounded like Kris. 

I really didn't have the energy to talk to him so i snuck over to the wall and hid behind it. I tried my best to hear Bojan's and Kris' conversation. For once i could actually use my sensitive hearing for something. 

"Kris?" Bojan sounded surprised to see Kris at the doorway. 

"Uh, have you seen Tuva? Maks said she seemed a bit off at the venue today and i just wanted to check on her." Kris asked Bojan. I closed my eyes, praying for Bojan not to tell him i was out here. 

Shit, Kris was looking for me. And shit, Maks had told him. I knew it was because he just wanted to look out for me and Maks knew that if i had to talk to someone about it, it'd be Kris. I just didn't want to right now. 

"Umm... no. I think she  went out for a smoke with Jan or somethin'" Bojan answered his best friend hesitantly. 

"Fuck, okay. Thanks tho." I heard footsteps that faded with every step but then they stopped and Kris' voice rang in the air. 

"Yo, Bojc? Did she act weird in any way, at all?" 

"Mm, no. No she was normal. I mean, okay, Gregor was being a bit of an asshole and told her to do PR when she was overstimulated but we quickly finished and she got her headphones and then she was fine." Bojan wasn't lying. He was just leaving out bits of the story, burying the truth with a bit of glimmer. I was fine after i got my headphones... after almost 2 hours. 

"And you're sure she was okay afterwards? Because Maks said she had dried blood on her fingers." My heart skipped a beat when Kris said that. 

Fuck. Maks must've noticed. Was it noticeable on the pictures me and Bojan took on the carpet? 

"What?" Just from the way Bojan sounded i could imagine his confused face right now. 

"Just text me if you see her." Kris said and the door closed, the lock clicking behind him. I hesitated before stepping out from my hiding spot. I brought the cig to my mouth and let my lungs fill with smoke. Bojan slowly walked over to me with his hands on his hips, like he'd always do.