After Effects

Chapter 35. - Welcome to Amsterdam

Bojan and i were sitting in the car in silence as he was driving us back to the TV center where we had our radio show in about 45 minutes. The air was filled with this weird uncomfortable silence. It felt as if when we left the restaurant we left everything we had to talk about.

Well... almost everything to we had talk about.

I knew we needed to talk about the little kiss that happened in this car a couple of hours ago but were do i start? How do someone start a conversation like that? What was i even supposed to say? Was i supposed to be gentle about it or just spit it out. And what was it even we had to talk about? I of course wanted to apologize to him, but were we also supposed talk about the way he walked away so fast he might as well could've tried to win a marathon?

"Bojci?"

"Hm?" He hummed and quickly looked over at me before looking back at the road. I was sitting with my fidget cube after i'd just cleaned my hands with hand sanitizer. Just to be sure there weren't any strange germs on my hands.

"Uh..." I trailed off. I couldn't form a sentence in my head that sounded somewhat good. Not enough to say out loud to Bojan.

"What's up?" He asked and took a turn.

"...I'm really sorry if i did something you weren't comfortable with." I said while looking out of my window. I knew Bojan was going to try to catch my eyes while having this conversation and even though i wanted to look him in the eye, i just didn't have enough energy to do that. I was already tired from going to the airport, the interview and eating out and we still had the radio show. Kris also wanted to take us out on a really nice restaurant him and his family would always go to when visiting Amsterdam. I felt Bojans eyes on me. "...I didn't mean to." I said and looked down on my cube.

"You didn't." He gave me a small smile and retuned his eyes on the road ahead. "It was just a kiss, right? An accident. I turned my head at the wrong time." Bojan nervously laughed as he looked between the road and me.

Right.

Just a kiss.

Nothing more.

All the times i was in Bojans arms and our lips were only inches away from touching didn't mean anything. It would just have been kisses. Meaningless kisses that would have only happened as a "spur in the moment" thing. The moments we shared at the pre-parties, on the balcony in Madrid, the airport, in our rooms, they would just have been kisses exchanged between friends.

"Right." I paused. It didn't feel like those close calls would have just been kisses. But i guess Bojan had always had a certain charm that could make anyone question themselves. "Right. I'm sorry. I just thought i might have done something since you disappeared. I guess you just felt a bit dizzy after hitting your head, twice."  I couldn't even look at him.

Why did it feel so gut wrenching? Obviously it was just a kiss. Literally. I didn't even mean to kiss him and it was barely even 2 seconds. Did it even count as a real kiss?

"My head?" Bojan looked confused for a moment until he remembered. "My head! Yes, my head. Yeah, shit that hurt. I just had to lie down for a minute." Bojan seemed a bit off as he said that, but i decided not to ask him any questions about why that was.

"Lie down? Shit do you have a concussion? Shit, Bojan we need to get you to the hospital! I'll call the others, i just need to find a route." I immediately grabbed my phone from my tote bag and began searching for the nearest hospital. I had never seen what a concussion looked like, much less had one myself, but i knew they were serious if not treated probably.

"What? No! No, Solveig, i do not have a concussion." Bojan said but it just became white noise for me as mt thoughts had taken over my sanity. If Bojan had a concussion that could mean weeks of rest and while that would be freaking paradise for me, it'd be hell for the rest of the guys. They'd have to give up on their dream. I doubted they'd get another chance to participate in Eurovision. I needed to get Bojan to the hospital so that wouldn't happen. Those boys deserved to go to Eurovision. And i would die before i'd let them miss their chance because of something that was my fault.