Us

T H I R T Y S E V E N

Y/N POV

It's the night of my first show of the tour and I'm super excited. I have a total of five shows in Europe: two in London and one in Paris, Belgium, and Barcelona. I landed in London yesterday with Mani and the girls since they were all feeling better.

Currently, I'm on my way to have a final mic check and a quick rehearsal before the show, then I'll head backstage to get dressed and get my hair touched up. I bought two new microphones in custom colors to match my ear pieces, so we have to make sure the signals are working properly and are all synced up for the the tour.

I hop out of the Escalade and head into the O2 theater where I'll be performing. First, I stop by my dressing room to make sure my duffle bag and the items I requested are all here. I'm a simple person when it comes to items for my green room. Mainly, I just want water, some gum, lotion in case I'm ashy, and bowl of fruit salad in case I get hungry.

After I check out my dressing room, I take some time to run through the playlists I made with all the songs I'm performing before my stage manager comes to get me for the mic check.

When I stepped out onto the stage, I looked around at all the lights, the floor, and the seats in the balcony. I started to imagine hundreds of fans screaming and cheering for me as I performed and something in my brain sent me back to Coachella.

My hands started to sweat and my ears began to tingle. I felt sick to my stomach. My heart began to beat fast and a wave of anxiety rushed over my body. Suddenly, I felt lightheaded and had to take a seat on the stage. I couldn't catch my breath, my ears were ringing, and the world seemed so far away.

I rubbed my hands down my face, putting my head between my knees, and took some deep breaths.

You're okay. You're just feeling anxious. I thought to my self. It was at this moment it hit me, this was my first time on stage since the shooting at Coachella. I thought I'd be ready for this, I thought it'd be easy.

I don't know if I can do this...

"Baby, what's wrong? What can't you do?" Mani snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?" I looked up and immediately closed my eyes because of the bright lights shining on me. My breathing doesn't slow down and I start to feel lightheaded again.

"Woah, Y/n listen to me. You're safe, I got you." she pulls me into her chest and I breathe her in. We sit there for a moment in silence. I don't realize until I let go that I was holding onto her jacket for dear life.

"Can you get up?" she asks sweetly and I take a moment to think before I nod. We get up slowly and she holds my hands to ground me. "Let's go to your dressing room, yeah?"

"Yeah." I keep ahold of her hand and follow her to my dressing room. My hair stylist, stylist, and Teyana are all in there when we get there.

"Hey y'all, can we have the room for a moment? Thank you." They all nod and leave.

We sit down on the couch behind the vanity and she wipes my face with a towel. Mani then goes into my bathroom and wets a paper towel with cold water and begins wiping my face down, which helps me feel better and calms me down. Afterwards, we just sit there in silence as she holds me Over time, I feel my body relax and cool down.

"Ready to talk?" she asks softly and I nod. "What's going on?"

"I don't know. I guess it just hit me that this is my first time on a real stage since..."

"Coachella."

"Yeah. It all came rushing back to me so fast and I got really, really anxious and lightheaded. It felt like I was there for a small moment. Right before I.."