Butterfly Effect

16: 5 alarm fire

Maya's Pov

Lia had been silent the whole ride to the station, and even if I wanted to know what had happened to her, I knew better than to push her into a conversation that she wasn't ready to have.
When we arrived, she got out of the car and started to walk with me right behind her, and then, once we were inside of the station, she went straight into my office, avoiding Andy who was trying to talk to her from the front desk.
"What's wrong with her? Is she okay?" my best friend asked, and I just shook my head.
"No, she's not... Manon called me from her phone. I've got her, but I need you to call Carina and tell her that Hailee's here and that she's not okay" I answered, following my daughter into my office.
No, not mine. Carina's. She was Carina's daughter... So why did I feel for her the love that a mother should feel?
When I closed the door, I saw Lia curled up in my chair with her eyes shut and a river of tears on her cheeks. She looked exhausted and little. She looked like a person that was suffering way too much. My heart was aching because I wanted her to feel better, no matter what. I needed her happiness to be happy...
"Lia... What happened? Why did you call me?" I wasn't accusing her of anything. I was just curious and worried for her.
"You... You told me that I could call you if I had urges. You know... to hurt myself" she said with a small voice, so fragile but not less resilient.
"Yes, you did the right thing by calling me. Are you still thinking about it?" I asked, walking in her direction. She looked down at her arms and then back up at me, nodding her head a little.
I grabbed a pen from my desk and then I gently took her forearm in my hand, bringing it closer to me.
I kissed softly the scratch marks on her forearm, looking at the signs of her nails still red on her skin. The signs of a feeling of hatred toward herself...
I opened the pen and I started to delicately draw three little butterflies on her wrist.
"What are you doing?" she asked in a whisper.
"I'm giving you a reminder that you are loved, that you are worthy of your love and your care..." I explained, quoting what Diane said to me almost a year ago.
I finished my drawing and I let her look at those three simple butterflies for a while, noticing her confused gaze.
"Why did you draw three butterflies?" she asked, turning her eyes into mine. They were full of fears, confusion and wonder.
"Name them after someone you love, that you care about..." I said quickly in response "They are your shield. Your protection. When you hurt yourself, you are also hurting those people...".
She stared at them for a while with a doubtful expression on her face that made her left eyebrow crinkle.
"It seems like guilt trip to me..." she commented and I smiled at that, thinking about how I said the same thing to Diane when she first proposed this to me.
"It seems like that, I know, but for me it worked... So I thought it was something worth a shot" I answered and she looked at me like she wanted to ask me something but was stopping herself from speaking.
"What is it? You can ask whatever you want, Lia" I encouraged her with a soft smile on my face.
"How... You know... What are the names of your butterflies?".
"At the beginning I named them Carina, Mason and Andy, as they were the most important people in my life" I started to explain "But if I'd have to name them today, their names would be Carina, for my wonderful wife, Mason, for my little brother, and Hailee, for my amazing daughter...".
Her eyes drifted to mine, and I realized that my words meant so much more to her than how much they meant to me.
It was probably the first time that someone called her their daughter...
"What names do you want to give to yours?" I asked, trying to take away that heavy silence that was created by my previous statement.
"If you'd asked me that question a few months ago, I wouldn't have been able to give you three names... I didn't have three people that cared about me, or that loved me... But now, I would call them Maya, Carina and Manon".
After that conversation we moved to my bunk, cuddling on the bed and just trying to relax together.
I knew pretty well how mentally draining that situation was,so if my daughter needed comfort, I would give her comfort.
"Here you are, I've been looking for you two" Carina spoke softly, leaning on the doorframe "How are my favorite girls doing?".
"I'm not... Okay. But I know that I'll get there" Hailee answered, moving a bit closer to me to make space for her mother.
Carina sat with us on the mattress, starting to cuddle with Lia and to play with my blonde locks of hair. She saw the butterflies on our daughter's wrist and she knew exactly how triggered I was by the situation, but she also knew that I was going to do anything in my power to help her.
"How's the baby?" Lia asked calmly. Since she'd found out about Carina's pregnancy, she had never referred to the baby, still scared that we were going to give up on her.
The fact that she was asking about them gave me hope that she was starting to realize just how permanent her presence in our family was.
She was our daughter, and nothing would change that...
"They are growing and doing okay..." Carina said "And I was thinking that maybe we could start talking about what name we should use".
Lia shifted in my arms, clearly battling with herself in that moment. I didn't know why, but that conversation was giving her a hard time.
"Oh... I c-c-can give you some space to decide" she mumbled and Carina and I exchanged an understanding look.
"Bambina, we want you to be a part of this conversation, of this decision. We want and value your opinion. You are our kid just as much as them." my wife said and Hailee relaxed in my arms.
"So... They'll be... my sibling?" she asked unsure, and Carina nodded instantly.
"If it's not too much for you, then yes. We told you that you are here to stay with us. You are a part of our family Lia, we'll never give you up" I added.
"I've... I've never had a sibling. And a part of me always wanted one..." she said with a small smile, and I figured out that she was finally trusting our family. starting to trust us...
"So, my love, do you have any ideas?" I asked, holding tightly her hand.
"I know that I already talked about this, but I would really love to give them an Italian name as a middle name. So I was thinking about Andrea or Samuele for a boy, and Camilla or Emma for a girl. Although Andrea here could be used for both boys and girls" Carina said in a whisper.
"I would love to honor your brother in our child's middle name, so I'd like to use Andrea. What do you think Lia?" I answered.
"I really like that name, for both boys and girls. I also like Emma as a name" Hailee said, and I felt like the room was ten times calmer than before. She was calmer than before...
"I agree, I love both names... But I like the idea of using Andrea for both a boy or a girl. So, do we have a middle name?" Carina added and Lia and I nodded.
"I've always loved the name Riley for a girl, but I've never thought about boy names, so I have no ideas" I said, and I noticed my wife smiling lovingly at me.
"What about Rowan or Rhys?" Hailee whispered "They are characters from books that I love... But I like those names because those two characters are strong, they are loyal to friends and family, and they are able to love very deeply. I mean, those aren't bad qualities to have...".
"I like both of those names, but I like the name Rowan slightly more" Carina said, but I was still focused on Lia's explanation.
"What's your favorite of the two, Lia?" Carina asked our daughter and she smiled softly, still cuddling with me and Carina. I couldn't believe that this was the same girl who thought to be too old to receive cuddles.
"Rowan" she simply answered "Rowan is the character from the first one of the two books that I've read, and I like the sound of Rowan and Hailee more, because in the story there's a character called Aelin... And also, I think that Rowan Andrea has a better sound than Rhys Andrea".
I was about to say something, but my voice was cut off by the sound of the alarm invading every room of the station. The siren had made Hailee tense up, scared to let go of the collar of my shirt. Her grip was so strong that her knuckles were turning white, and she looked terrified at the idea of me leaving for that call.
"Carina, It's a five alarm fire, I can't stay here... I want to, I really want to stay here, but I have to go..." I said to my wife with a silent request for help in my eyes.
"Lia, I have to go to work... You can stay here with Carina, okay? I'll be back before you know it, but you have to let go of my shirt" I whispered calmly to her, loosening her grip one finger at a time.
"Don't... Don't leave..." she mumbled with tears as I guided her in Carina's embrace, kissing the butterflies that I had drawn before.
"I love you both. So, so much" I said from the door, ready to go on my first five alarm fire since Hailee's arrival.
"No! Don't go... Mom! Stay, please!" Hailee yelled from my bunk and I froze for a second. She had just called me mom...
Every single cell of my body was begging me to turn around and to run back in my bunk just to hold my daughter in my arms, but Andy was waiting for me in the barn.
With a heavy heart and a couple of tears that wanted to fall from my eyes, I ran to the barn and I left the station, still with that word that was echoing in my mind.

A.N. Hi guys, sorry that I disappeared for a while, but I had some school exams to do. Now I'm back for good though.
Let me know what you think.