Butterfly Effect

27: You're safe... She's safe...

Manon's Pov

I was sitting on my bed doing my English essay when someone knocked on my door.
"Come in" I said, waiting for my mom to barge into my room, but when the door opened, I was shocked to see my girlfriend with a numb expression on my doorstep.
"Hailee? What are you doing here? Do your moms know where you are?" I asked in a whisper, noticing that she had been crying.
Your... Your mom let me in. I can go somewhere else if you don't want me here" her voice was broken and she looked like she could barely keep herself together, so, when she took another step in my direction, I stood up from my bed and I walked to her, holding her cheeks in my palms.
She seemed so small standing there in my room. So frail...
"What do you need Lia? What can I do for you?" I questioned, wanting to take away whatever was hurting her like this.
She didn't answer me, she just stared at my eyes and then at my lips.
After a few seconds, she kissed me desperately, roughly, like she was trying to bury her feelings with this. I wasn't going to stop her, because I knew that I couldn't force her to talk if she didn't have the words yet. So I kissed her back, trying to keep up with her pace, but ending up being a little slower and softer.
It was a kiss so much different from all of our previous ones. It was not cautious and full of adrenaline created by the new feeling of connection. It was a kiss full of pain and anger...
When her hands started to explore every single curve of my body and one of them slipped under my shirt, I pulled back from her, staring at her swollen lips and at her lost gaze full of tears. This wasn't okay... She was not okay and I needed to know why.
"What... What are you doing, Lia?" I asked quietly.
"I need you" she whispered "And when... When I was with my old foster family, this was the only way that I had to feel close to someone. Even if that someone was a person that I hated with all of my heart..." she continued, her voice cracking "Please?".
I was speechless... Whatever happened to her this afternoon was definitely something that left her completely empty inside. It was almost like the light in her beautiful eyes had died and there was no chance of getting it back.
"I'm here for you Lia... But I'm not going to sleep with you tonight" I said and her lips quivered "You are upset and I don't want our first time together to be a distraction from a problem, especially because of your past... I want to take my time and show you that sex can be a positive experience".
She looked at me as she let out a heart wrenching sob, burying her head in the crook of my neck. I immediately started to hold her tightly in my arms.
I knew that a band aid couldn't fix a bullet hole, but I was hoping to help her. Even if it was just a tiny bit.
"I'm sorry" she choked out between sobs.
"It's okay Lia... I've got you. You've got me..." I reassured her, but then an idea came up in my mind.
"Take off your shirt" I said, doing the same with mine. She looked at me with confusion, then she did what I asked her.
We stood there for a moment, only with our bras on, then I grabbed her hand and I guided her to my bed, inviting her to lay down next to me. I pulled the blanket over the both of us and I directed her head to my chest, so she could hear my heartbeat, then I gave her a tender kiss on the top of the head.
"I thought... You said that we are not going to do anything tonight..." she mumbled confused and my heart broke for her. She didn't know that this moment of intimacy had a deeper meaning than sex.
"We aren't" I responded "Skin-to-skin contact has shown to be a great way to calm people down and make them feel safe. I want you to know that you're safe... Here with me you're safe...".
We remained silent for a while, enjoying the feeling of being close to each other and the other's body warmth, but after a few minutes, she broke the silence.
"Carina's my mother".
"Yeah... I already know that you started to call her that..." I said.
"No Manon... She is my mother. The one who left me... The one who gave birth to me... And they have always known it..." she explained and I started to understand her numbness. This was something huge for her...
"And you decided to come here..." I stated, realizing just how similar she was to Carina. They had the same big smile and they crinkled their eyebrows in the same way when they were thinking about something.
"Because I'm hurt, and pissed off... I know that I'll have to talk with them, but I need space for one night. So I came here...".
"It's okay. I'm thankful that you feel safe with me" I answered, and then we started to talk more about this shocking news.

Maya's Pov

After hours of endless sobs, Carina was finally asleep on our bed, but I was still up, waiting for Hailee to come back home or to give us a sign that she was okay. It was almost 1 a.m., but she was still out alone in Seattle and I was starting to panic about it.
I paced back and forth down the hallway, desperately needing to go on a run, but wanting to be at home to see Lia coming back or to be there for Carina if she needed me.
Pacing was all I had left to do...
She was pissed off, rightfully so, at me and Carina, but I was worried sick about my daughter and I wanted her to be okay. I needed to know that she was safe...
I tried to call her a billion times, but it went straight to her voicemail. Probably her phone has died, or she simply was refusing every single one of my attempts to communicate with her.
I knew that the fact that I had borderline personality disorder made everything worse, because, thanks to it, I tend to see the rejection or someone who walks away in an emotional and impulsive way, and I was sure that if it wasn't for Carina's presence, I would probably be outside, looking for her in every single corner of this damn city.
I was feeling an overwhelming sensation of guilt caused by the knowledge that all of this was partly my fault... We should have told her from the start...
Maybe it was too late... Maybe she had really left for good...
I walked to her room, taking in the fact that in these last few months, our guest room has turned into her personal space. A space that was telling exactly who she was...
She couldn't be gone for good. Those things needed their owner to give them life. We needed our daughter to give us life and joy...
I checked on Carina once again, finding her still asleep, hugged to my pillow and with a frown on her face. I was heartbroken, but she must have been devastated from everything that was going on at the moment.
I decided that I couldn't wait anymore, that I needed to do something instead of sitting on the couch, waiting for something to happen.
I put on my running shoes and I walked rapidly toward the door. I had just opened it when the familiar ring of my phone stopped me, and when I took it out of my pocket my heart stopped. It was a text from Manon.
"Hi Maya. I know that you and Carina are terrified right now because of Lia, but I wanted to let you know that she's at my house and that she's safe. She told me briefly what had happened this afternoon, and I want to reassure you both that she just needed a bit of space and time. She wants to talk to you. To the both of you. She's asleep in my bed and she actually asked me not to text you, but I know that you needed to know that your daughter was safe. Please don't be mad at her, she was just overwhelmed by the news. I hope to see you both tomorrow at Lia's musical".
With that text that made me cry tears of relief, there was also a picture of them together. Hailee was asleep on her chest and Manon had a protective arm around her, keeping her close.
"Thank you Manon. Seriously, I'm grateful that she has you in her life. I'll see you tomorrow at the musical. Carina and I would never miss it" I texted back.
With a small smile I took off my running shoes, putting them back into their place, and I walked to my room, getting into bed and snuggling close to my wife.
"Hailee?" she asked, and I immediately noticed that her voice was hoarse from the sleep and all of the sobs.
"She's with her girlfriend... She's overwhelmed and she needs space, but she wants to talk... She's safe, my love" I answered.
"She's okay?" Carina asked again, afraid to have misunderstood my words.
"She is safe" I breathed out "And everything will be alright...".
And for the first time in a long while, I knew that it was the truth.