Butterfly Effect

21: Would've, Could've, Should've

Hailee's Pov
Saying that I was nervous wasn't enough. I was tense like a violin string... My stomach was all tied in nods and my mind was spinning like hell.
Manon was sitting next to me in those little uncomfortable chairs of the school auditorium, waiting for my turn to do the audition for the musical.
"Calm down Lia, you'll be great..." my best friend said, grabbing my hand and squeezing it "Believe in yourself like I do, Lia".
I looked at her, and the genuine smile on her face was exactly what convinced me that she was being serious, so I smiled back.
"Hailee Donovan?" the teacher, Mr Paige, called me on the stage.
I walked in front of that small audience composed of high school students and I took the microphone in my shaky hands.
"For what role are you auditioning?" he asked calmly.
I stole a glance in the direction of my best friend and I took a very deep breath.
"My name is Hailee Donovan and I will not be afraid" I said in my head. I could do it. I knew I could.
"I'm here for Donna Sheridan..." I answered.
The first part of my audition was to act in a scene with Mr Paige, and while I was playing Donna that was arguing with Sam, I could feel my anxiety turn into adrenaline. I felt unstoppable. I was unstoppable...
"That was great Hailee, now I'm gonna leave you a couple of minutes to prepare for the song that you've chosen" Mr Paige said, and I nodded smiling.
I had prepared a song that I knew like the back of my hand and that said something that I had felt on my own skin.
"Okay Hailee, what song have you prepared?" he asked as I grabbed the microphone again.
"It's a song from Taylor swift's last album. It's called Would've, Could've, Should've" I answered.
"Well, the stage is yours..." he smiled from that moment on, I was alone on that stage with the sound of my beating heart in my ears.
I started to sing, drifting my attention from the audience to the lyrics, letting myself get lost in my feelings. I put every single part of myself in that song, letting out every negative experience that I went through.
At the end of the song, I felt shaky and raw, like I was naked and everyone could easily see every scar that my past left on me.
"Thank you Hailee" he started "And since you are the last one to do the audition, I would like to offer you the role".
"Wait, what?".
"I want you to play Donna" he stated and my heart stopped. That was a dream that had just become true.
"Oh my God! Thank you Mr Paige" I exclaimed, jumping off the stage and running to Manon, Hugging her tightly. I was ecstatic.
After school we were walking toward the station, as usual, but she was oddly quiet.
"Hey, are you okay? You seem lost in your head..." I asked and she tried to reassure me with a smile, but I wasn't a fool and I knew right away that there was something wrong. The smile didn't reach her eyes...
"You..." she started after a few more minutes of silence "You were singing that song with such pain and rage that... I don't know, it moved something in me... But in the end, I realized the meaning and..." she stopped.
"You know that I grew up in foster families" My words were unsure "And when I was little there were people that took me in just for the money, others that used me as practice while they were trying to have their own kids and... In my last family I lived with this guy that used me as a punch ball and as a sex toy... One day, after a very difficult night, I went to the hospital and I found my moms".
Manon stayed silent, keeping her head down and her shoulders tense.
"Sometimes I still feel his hands on my body, I still feel the usual pain or his breath on my face and I wake up shaking in the middle of the night... It's awful, and horrible, but I'm trying to live like I want to. Not with his actions dictating my life, but with me taking back the childhood that I didn't experience. The childhood that he ripped out of my hands" I explained and she looked at me with sadness in her eyes.
Those gorgeous green eyes weren't full of pity, like I expected. They were just sad and with a light shade of rage. She was pissed off at my past and at that jerk that stole my childhood.
"I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that shit by yourself, and I don't understand why some people are able to do stuff like that... But I admire your strength" she said "You are the strongest person I know, Hailee".

Maya's Pov
We just got back to the station after a difficult call with a couple of teenagers and I was totally exhausted. I also needed to see my little girl and make sure to hold her close to me.
"Hey Warren, I have a question for you" I said, reaching him on the stairs.
"What is it, captain?".
"Do you ever feel like you are going crazy after calls like this one? I mean, they were fifteen, high on I don't even want to know what, and they put themselves in danger by crushing a damn motorcycle..."
"Yeah... When something like this happens, I just want to see how Tuck and Joey are doing. I'm lucky that Pru is still a perfect little girl who likes to play with dolls" he answered, understanding my feelings.
"They were... They were just a year younger than my perfect little girl, you know, and I feel like I'm going to lose my mind if I don't hug her right now" I ranted, feeling comfortable enough to share my fears with Ben.
"I know that it's all new for you, and I won't lie just to make you feel better, but kids do stupid things all the time. And I know it sucks, I know parents lose their sleep over this... But in the end you just have to trust Mini-Bishop and teach her that making some mistakes it's okay, and that it's okay to ask for help..." his words were firm, but in them I could read that he was talking from his personal experience.
"Thanks, I needed to hear it... Dad" I joked and he rolled his eyes at me.
"But seriously, I don't even want to think about what I would do if Lia pulled out a stunt like that one" I mumbled, entering the lounge with Ben by my side, finding Hailee and Manon asleep on the couch, cuddling each other.
"I really doubt she would..." Ben said, walking toward the beanery and leaving me watching my daughter and her best friend.
My heart was so full of joy seeing her like a normal kid, with friends and the possibility of falling asleep without the fear that someone could do something to her.
Without thinking I grabbed my phone and I snapped a picture of them sleeping next to each other, sending it to Carina.
"Hey captain, what are you staring at? You look like a stalker..." Vic exclaimed, waking up the girls.
"Hi mom..." she said groggily, noticing after a while the position that they were in. She stood up swiftly, leaving her best friend on the couch behind her. Both girls were red as tomatoes, as if they were caught with their hands into the cookie jar or as if they were doing something illegal.
"Hi girls" I said, hugging my daughter and smiling at Manon "It was a long day, huh?" I asked.
"Yeah" Lia paused "I... I did an audition for the school play today...".
She sounded unsure, almost like she was scared of my reaction, and that reminded me of my brother and the terror in his eyes whenever he would tell our parents about his art shows. I would not be like my father. I will always be proud of her and I will always support whatever path she's choosing.
"And? How did it go?" I asked exited.
"I got... The lead role... I'll be playing Donna" she mumbled in a whisper. She was almost inaudible, but I wanted her to be proud and happy of herself and of her achievement.
"This is incredible Lia! I'm so proud of you" I exclaimed and she smiled a little "You're gonna play your favorite character in your favorite musical".
"Wait what?!" Vic said confused "There is another theater kid and I found out about it just now?".
"Lia is gonna be Donna in Mamma Mia. Our school's annual play" Manon said, looking at Hailee with affection.
"Good for you, Mini-Bishop. You are going to be great" my friend said, making all of us smile widely.
"So... Would you... I mean, would you and mamma come to see it? You don't have to come if you don't want to, though..." she asked and my heart shattered at her words. She was so used to being left alone that she believed we wouldn't want to see her perform.
"Are you kidding me? We would absolutely love to be there for you honey. And trust me, we will cheer for you so loudly that you will regret your decision of inviting us" I answered and she giggled.
"Thanks mom".
"For what honey?" I questioned, confused by that sentence.
"For supporting me... Mamma too" She answered and tears started to form in my eyes.
"We will always be in the first row for everything, Lia" I whispered, holding her closer to my heart.

A.N. Hi dear readers.
I'm writing here because after a year of work on this story, today I finally (and sadly) wrote the epilogue of Butterfly Effect.
This story means the world to me. It's my first fanfiction both on Wattpad and Ao3, and it has been my escape from bad moments during the last year.
You'll still have two chapters each week until the end of the story, but for me, I had said goodbye to the characters of this story. Maybe in the future we will see them again, but that's another story...
Hope you liked this chapter. Let me know what you thought about it.