Butterfly Effect

28: Slipping Through My Fingers

Hailee's Pov

I was getting ready to go out on stage as Donna, but something inside of me was thinking about Maya and Carina. Did they come? Did I want them to? I didn't know... I just knew that I missed Maya's hugs and Carina's smiles in the morning, usually in front of a cup of her wonderful coffee. I missed the feeling of home that I had with them. I just missed them...
"Hey Hailee" Mr Paige said "Are you ready?".
"I was born ready" I answered, faking a smile as I did for the first years of my life. In that instant I realized that my first real heartfelt laugh was shared with my moms... It was with Maya and Carina.
"Good, because you're up" he said, taking my hand and guiding me closer to the entrance on scene. He looked at me with a soft smile and nodded in an encouraging way.
"Break a leg, dancing queen" he whispered and I smiled back.
My name is Hailee Donovan and I will not be afraid... I mumbled as I got on the stage and I entered in character, starting to act my first scene.
While I was doing the scene with Rosie and Tanya, the first one that requires my presence on stage, I looked at the crowd and I let out a real shiny smile at the beautiful sight of Manon in the front row, sitting down next to my moms and to the members of Maya's team at the station.
Maya and Carina smiled back at me, and the knowledge that they were there for me made me feel ten feet tall. Yes, I was still confused and slightly angry, but they were there...
The rest of the show went on perfectly, but when it was time for me to sing Slipping Through My Fingers, I walked quietly on the stage, stealing a glance into Carina's direction.
I started to sing about family, using my grief for a mother that I've never had, but also the happiness about the ones that I've gained.
All this time I was focusing on the idea of a mother that I had in my mind, but I've never realized that I already had it...
I thought about Carina and everything that made her my mother, finally understanding that she tried to give me back every single missed moment of my childhood, making every memory a hundred times better and richer.
She was taking care of my hair when I asked her help with them, exactly like a mother would do with her kid. She was teaching me Italian and things about her culture, exactly like she would have done if she had kept me sixteen years ago. She spent time with me, helping me with homework even when she was tired after a long shift at the hospital. She tried over and over again to be the figure that I needed the most.
She wasn't perfect, no one ever was, but she was doing her best to give me the life that I've never had...
I finished the song and I saw her while she was trying to dry the tears from her cheeks. My eyes were glossy too, and I figured out that we were both moved by the loss of all those little things mentioned in the song that we couldn't get back.
The musical ended, but I was still taken back by the strength of my own feelings and of my grief, so when we were finally free of our costumes and back into our normal clothes, I rushed out of the teather and, as soon as I saw Carina, I threw myself in her arms and I cried.
I cried in her embrace for a long while and she just held me close, whispering comforting words in Italian into my ears as everyone was looking at us with a confused expression.
When I finally stopped crying, I remained in her arms,facing the rest of my family and noticing a wide grin on my girlfriend's face after the interaction with my mom.
"Well, you were amazing Hailee" Maya said, still unsure about the idea of using my nickname, and as an answer I hugged her too, remaining close to Carina.
"Thanks mom" I answered "I didn't expect you to come... All of you".
"We wanted to be here for you, Mini-Bishop. You're part of our family, we'll always support you" Vic answered and Travis nodded along her words.
"I say that we can all go out for dinner together, we can celebrate our fantastic niece and her wonderful job on stage" Andy proposed to the group, but I shook my head. Yes, I wanted to spend time with them, but I still needed to clear the air between me and Carina. I needed the truth...
"I'm sorry Andy, but I'm completely exhausted and I want to spend some time at home with my moms..." I answered, looking at the floor.
"No problem kid. You deserve to rest after that amazing performance. We can all go out whenever" she responded with a smile.
"I'll call you later, okay?" I then said to Manon, kissing her on the cheek and smiling softly in her direction.
"I'll wait Lia" she said back and she went away with her mother that gave me a lot of compliments for tonight and a knowing look.

Carina's Pov

Everyone didn't think much about Lia's justification, but me and Maya both knew the real reason behind her choice. She wanted to know everything. Every little detail of my story that brought me to the decision to give her up for adoption. And even if I knew that I owed her an explanation, I was completely terrified by the idea of going back into that part of my past.
The truth was simple: I wasn't ready to face my demons, to live again all of that pain and feel every wound open again, but my little blessing wanted answers, so I would do that for her.
I would go through hell and back just to know that she didn't feel left out or not wanted.
She needed to hear the truth and I needed to tell it. Even if it hurts like hell. Maybe that was what I needed to let go of my guilt...
Maya looked at us and then she turned to our friends.
"I'll take my favorite girls home now... I'll see you guys at the station on Monday" she said with a smile and we left the school with my car.
The air was tense, almost filled with uncomfortable silence, and I was scared to break that quiet. It was kinda becoming an armor that covered my scars...
"You were seriously so perfect on that stage Honey. You even made me tear up at one point" Maya said, trying to transform the heavy situation into a lighter one.
"Thank you mom... It was amazing. You know, I felt like I was on fire... I had been a phoenix" she answered in a whisper.
"That's adrenaline" Maya responded"And I'm happy to hear that you felt like a phoenix. Rising from the ashes...".
I was confused about that conversation, but I knew that my daughter had a very close bond with Maya and that sometimes they would mention stuff that only the two of them could understand.
I was there for her, but I was still more cautious around her, thinking that somehow I didn't deserve to have her back in my life.
After that small interaction, the silence came back to fill the car, but this time it wasn't as heavy as before. It was just silence.
"I'm happy that you two were there..." our daughter whispered softly while she was watching the streets from the window.
"I told you that day at the station that we will always be in the very front row to cheer for you" my wife answered with a sweet voice as she parked in front of our building.
I knew that it was just a matter of moments until I would have to dive into all the dark corners of my past, and my breath was becoming more labored with each step toward our apartament.
When we reached the door with the familiar number seven on it, I was on the verge of having an anxiety attack.
"Mamma, are you okay?" Lia asked and I flinched at the name.
She... She called me mamma...
"I'm just nervous to share some things about my past Lia. I want to, trust me I'll tell you everything that you want to know, but it's not gonna be easy for me" I answered and she nodded slightly.
We entered the apartment and I rushed into our room, digging in our closet to find my white box. The most precious thing that I had...
I sat on my bed with that still closed on my knees and I stared at one point lost in space in front of me.
"Are you okay, my love?" Maya asked from the doorstep and I got out of my trance.
"What?" I said softly.
"Are you sure you're okay? If you're not ready, we could explain that to her..." she mumbled and I shook my head.
"No, I'm okay. I just needed a moment" I answered "And I need you with me while I tell her everything".
I stood up from the mattress and I walked toward the living room where Hailee was waiting for me like a kid waiting for Santa on Christmas day.
"Can you tell me the story?" she asked firmly and I swallowed away my fears.
"Yes... But it will be a long story...".

A.N. Hi guys, I really hope you liked this new chapter. I'm officially in my mid-term break, so I have more time to work on the next story and on this chapter. As a Halloween gift for you all, the next chapter will be on Tuesday and not on Wednesday as always. See you then.