Butterfly Effect

13: Too Good to be true

Carina’s Pov

The three weeks that followed were uneventful, but I started to feel the first side effects of my pregnancy, and as uncomfortable as they were, they were also my reminder of the blessing that God gave to me.
Hailee still didn’t know about my pregnancy and I was terrified of her reaction. After all, she still had an amount of trauma from her past that we didn’t know, and that she wasn’t going to share any time soon.
We also found a routine that worked perfectly for us, and I didn’t want to ruin it with news like that. Hailee was happy for the first time in a long time…
I take her to school and go to work, and after school, she walks to the station where she does her homeworks, sometimes alone and sometimes with her new friend. Then we go back home together and we wait for Maya.
It was simple, but it worked perfectly for the three of us.
That day I was at work when a wave of nausea hit me and I ran out of the room, just to throw up in a bathroom stall that was close to the nurse’s station. God, I hated morning sickness…
“Carina, are you okay?”Jo asked as I opened the door of the stall and I went to the sink to wash my hands and my face.
“Yes, I’m fine. Everything is fine” I said, still feeling a bit nauseous.
“Are you sure. You look pale… I can check you out if you’re not feeling good”. I felt happy knowing that my friend cared so deeply for me, but I was aware that she didn’t have to worry for me.
“Yeah, it’s just nausea. It will go away soon” I answered and I noticed her eyes widened with the realization.
“Oh my God!” she exclaimed “You’re pregnant! I can’t believe that I didn’t figure it out earlier… But oh my God. I’m so happy for you and Maya”.
I smiled at her, but I think that I wasn’t my usual self, because her happiness died down quickly.
“What’s wrong Carina? Aren’t you happy? You two wanted this for so long…” she asked concerned.
“I am… Trust me, I can’t believe that all of this is finally happening to me… But sometimes it feels like it’s all too good to be true and that I’m just waiting for all of this to fall apart” I explained my fears without looking at my friend in the eyes.
“For years I thought that God was punishing me for my bad choices, but now I just can’t wrap my head about how it all seems to be forgiven”. Since I’ve found out about my daughter, I had been thinking about all of the stuff that God had put in my path…
I was not used to this calm, and if I had to be sincere, I could say that I was just waiting to wake up from that beautiful dream.
“I don’t know a lot about religion, but maybe this is a reward that God is giving you after all the things that you went through… Carina, I consider myself to be your friend, not just a colleague, and during this past couple of years I saw you walk through the best and the worst moments of your life with love and faith. This shows how strong you are. Focus on that, not on what ifs…” Jo’s words were spoken with affection and understanding, and I realized how grateful I was for this friendship.
“Thanks Jo… Seriously. This was exactly what I needed to hear”. She hugged me and I smiled at her gesture, enjoying the feeling that her embrace gave me. Jo Wilson was seriously a great friend…
“So, how is it going with Hailee?” she asked, changing the subject of our conversation.
“She’s… Gosh, she’s amazing. She is super smart and so sweet. She loves books, musical and she’s really caring. Maya and I got so lucky with her” I answered, thinking about my wonderful little girl that wasn’t so little anymore.
“I’m glad to hear that. She deserves to be happy… And so do you”.
That feeling of fear that everything was going to go wrong was still there in a corner of my brain, but after that conversation with Jo, that voice inside of my head got quieter. 
Maybe Jo was right. Maybe everything was  just a test to my faith and now God was finally rewarding me. Maybe everything was going to be fine… That was the most important thing. Maybe I will finally have my happy ending.

Hailee’s Pov

I was walking side by side with Manon Blanchard toward the station to study chemistry.
In the last three weeks we started to get closer, and now I was considering her a good friend. A friend that was making my heart beat faster against my ribcage and that was making the blood rush into my cheeks every chance it got.
“Are you ever going to tell them?” she asked when we entered the station, saying hello to Ben that was at the front desk that day.
“Hi Mini-Bishop. Hi Manon” he said with a smile on his face and I smiled back at him. I really loved that everyone accepted me into their family. It made me feel a part of something… It made me feel less alone.
“Hi Ben, we will be in the conference room, as always… Can you tell my mo- Maya that I'm here?” I almost let that word slip, but Ben didn’t point that out and he just nodded at my request.
“See, you almost said it” my friend exclaimed when we were finally alone in that room that we used to study. 
“I can’t call them that! It’s too soon, and maybe they don’t want me to call them that…” I responded and she rolled her eyes.
“Come on Hailee. You’ve been calling them moms for a week when you are with me. But when you’re with them, you use their first names!” she started “I know it’s not easy for you to trust them, but they treat you like you are their daughter… They love you so much. They support you, and for God’s sake… Maya seems so fucking proud when her team call you Mini-Bishop”.
“I already know all of that Manon. Trust me, I do know that. But for all of my life, I had trusted families that had treated me like crap, that hurt me or did things that I’m not ready to talk about just yet…” I explained in a whisper. I didn’t know why, but my shame and my pain made my answer more powerful than what I had originally thought, bringing tears to my eyes.
She was silent, speechless… And I was afraid that my words had been too much and that I’d just ruined the best friendship I’ve ever had. 
“I don’t call them my moms, not when I’m with them, waiting for this beautiful dream to be over… I’m waiting to wake up in that nightmare that was my life before them, because this is too good to be true. My moms… My moms are too good to be true” I finished and Manon hugged me tightly without a word.
She was the first person, beside my moms, that held me in her arms without it meaning anything sexual, and that surprised me a lot. It kinda freaked me out…
It wasn’t weird or uncomfortable, her arms were strong and her hug gave me a feeling of protection and safety.
Butterflies were flying in my stomach with force, my face was burning red and my heart was pounding so fast that I was afraid she could feel it too. Maybe she did, but she’d never told me anything about it…
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I'm sorry…” Manon said again and again in my ear. 
“You have nothing to apologize for, Manon” I whispered back, not understanding why she was saying sorry.
“I’m sorry that you were alone throughout all of that… I’m sorry that I started to talk to you because of Miss Robbs, ‘cause you’re a really great friend… And I’m sorry that you have all of these wounds that won’t heal so easily…” she clarified.
Without saying anything, I brought my hand from her shoulders, down her back in a slow motion, stopping when they were on her hips. Holding her even more tightly.
“I’m okay now Manon. I’m okay because now I have you and my moms, and Jo, and the team… And I don’t care how long this dream will last, because I’ve learned what it means to be loved and supported in it” I whispered and I meant every single one of my words.
We separated after a while and I noticed that her eyes were as watery as mine.
I didn’t mean to make her cry…
“Now, enough tears. I have a test at the end of the semester and some sort of smartass in my class promised our teacher to help me” I exclaimed with the intent to make her laugh. When she giggled,  I knew for sure that my plan worked perfectly.
“Some sort of smartass?” she questioned with her left eyebrow crinkled up ironically “That ‘some sort of smartass’ is your friend Donovan. Don’t forget that”.
Oh, I could never forget that… I said to myself, still feeling the butterflies from our hug earlier.
“I know… Smartass”I answered, taking my notebook from my backpack.
“Okay, did you get something from today's lesson?” she asked, and I stared down at the floor, embarrassed.
The truth was that I didn’t understand anything because I was too busy staring at her, but obviously I couldn’t say that to her, so I simply shook my head.
“Well, that’s okay… That’s why I’m here” she said softly “Now, open the book on chapter three, that we have a lot of things to do. The time is running, and before we know it, your mom will be here to pick you up”.
The mention of Carina warmed my heart, and as I started to listen to Manon’s explanation, I was still hoping to live in that dream for as long as possible.

A.N. Hi guys, there will be a little change of plans for the next weeks, because I'm going away and I won't be home. I'm gonna post sunday, and then on the 10th. I have a question for you though. Do you prefer the chapters around 2p.m. (central european time) or around 9 p.m. (still central european time)? Let me know.