May we always meet again

Chapter 27

Clarke's POV

After what felt like an eternity, Lexa was finally released. I was really looking forward to not just seeing her in the hospital anymore, but it also meant that this was the beginning of a new phase. We had to get to know each other all over again, and that was... that was incredibly weird. I mean, we had already been a couple and now we had to discover each other all over again. The idiosyncrasies that were known before and had already been gotten used to were now new. For her even more than for me. Nevertheless, I discovered sides of her that I had never noticed before. Maybe they existed only since new or had disappeared over the years and had been replaced by others. I couldn't tell and it didn't really matter, after all, this was about Lexa. My Lexa.

So we went on dates. A lot of them to be exact. We went bowling, went out to eat together, went to the movies or had movie nights. All of which took place at my home for the time being, because she didn't feel comfortable with the idea of being together in her apartment. And I could absolutely understand her, especially after everything she associated with it. For her, it was incredibly intimate and thus definitely went a few steps too far for first dates. We wanted to take it slow and create shared memories, which eventually led to individual, smaller snippets coming back to her memory, but far from everything and so most of our relationship was still in the dark. It wasn't easy, heck, it was incredibly hard and sometimes I cried myself to sleep, but it was a beginning and each memory promised more and whenever that MORE failed to materialize, we were both disappointed and happy at the same time.

A part of our conversation in the lingerie store had just come to her mind and she blushed instantly when I asked about it. Which looked really incredibly cute and threw me for a moment. Because Lexa became incredibly shy every time as soon as it came to this topic. That's why there was a fleeting and stolen kiss every now and then, but anything beyond that was too much for both of us. Accordingly, we haven't had sex yet. Not until everything felt the way it had been and that took time and even more patience. This constant uncertainty was difficult and my heart could only take it up to a certain point and I didn't want to strain it. It longed for closeness and at the same time for distance. It needed this distance and at the same time it tore me apart inside. But I overplayed it because I knew that dark thoughts weren't moving us forward either.

"Okay, what exactly came back to your mind? Maybe I can fill in your blanks, after all, I was in that locker room with you too..." I asked as innocently as I could, even though I knew that conversation was everything then, but certainly not innocently and as images flashed, I struggled to suppress my grin.

Cute as she was, Lexa immediately began to stammer, blushing even more. I loved this coloring and enjoyed her awkwardness. I know, not very nice, but it was nice to be on the other side. Still, I tried to take away some of her insecurity. "Lex...you don't have to be uncomfortable. Of course we were irritating each other..."

"Yeah, but we weren't a couple then. I mean..." She didn't speak any further and that's when I couldn't help my grin. "Tell me, have you always been such a prude?"

She nudged me and smiled. "I'm not a prude!" I gave her a definite look and she raised her hands defensively. "Alright, maybe a little, but you have to admit that the whole situation is weird. How could I be relaxed about it? With all the pictures..."

Lovingly, I put an arm around her, which was more friendly than anything else. "I feel the same way, don't I? We still have to get used to everything and that takes time. Eventually everything will go back to normal and it'll just be everyday life driving us crazy." Gently, I squeezed her shoulder.

"Promise?" Her look was full of hope, as if I could take away all her worries with that one word.

"Promise." I gave her a kiss on the cheek and again a slight glow of red appeared. "What do you say we go out for a drink tonight? We could go to Joe's?" questioningly, I looked at her. I didn't have any ulterior motives, but just thought some distraction would do us good.