We could have a life, us two.. (Completed)

Shadows From The Past

Nellie turned the roasted bread on the fire while she was watching the children play outside around their cottage she was thinking about her baby that one day will join the children outside. All her hopeful thoughts turned at the end hopeless when she thought about her husband who she turned just minutes ago on to his back so he could sit a bit. It was not straight up but he could sit now with the support of pain medication and she was so happy about that. As his comfort was improving the distance between them was growing the more.

Summer was almost over and autumn ready to take over. It was colder at night like the space between them. A week passed now, they were quietly finding their feet at home at least Nellie was while Sweeney was drunk and grumpy all the time, only asking her for gin. In the beginning she thought maybe a little alcohol wouldn't do any harm but quicky it tuned out not to be true. He started asking more and more alcohol and when she refused to give it to him this time he used his medication to num his feelings. They had been lucky no one had came to visit yet so he could recover but it wouldn't be long people would want to see him especialy other fishermen. How would she explain when they see him like this she didn't know. She slept there on the settee and had no comfort with her growing belly just to be by his side whenever he needs her. She cried sectretly at night sad about him being like this not only criplled but how he was treating her. She didn't mind that she cared for him, she never would. The carring part is something she did with great love, but him distancing himself from her pained her. Would this have been the old Nellie maybe it wouldn't have hurt her so much but now she was his wife that was carrying his child not to mention her hormones she couldn't keep up with. The fact that he was so different during the stay in the hospital until the moment he found out he would no longer be able to walk was normal she knew that, but the difference he treated her was like night and day. He changed and she could understand that, she could understand how hard it is for him but keeping her away and acting like she wanted him to be dead, that she could not understand. She suffered days long, of course he hadn't seen that.

"Sweeney you have to stop this" she sighed as she came in putting the plate with his breakfast on the table beside him knowing he doesn't want her to feed him,  last time she wanted to help him with eating he lashed out that he could do it on his own and he wasn't a baby. "People would start to come.."

"Who want to see this" He scoffed at her words while pointing to his lifless legs he couldn't move. Sad it was what becomed of him, once the demon barber everyone feared was now nothing but crippled. Everyone who was behind him and was searching him would've laugh now seeing him like this. He couldn't cope with his own feelings; the tragedy that had befallen him was too heavy to cope with so soon. All those new feelings made him a mess. Time Nellie said to herself he needs time but how much it would take that she didn't know.

"They respect you, what you've been through.. Sweeney you're a miracle" Her words made him look at her, the look of a broken man who wanted to believe her words but he had no faith in them. His eyes lost it's spark he just found after so much time. It was horrible for him and people knew that therefor they wanted to see him to give him support. She thought maybe it would do him good seeing how much people was admiring him, that was what Louise told her anyway "They see him as a hero" she said the other day she came to see her.

While Sweeney couldn't see anything to respect in himself other than a useless man. He failed in helping David, he was unable to save him. He failed to be a husband for his wife, he must be the man of the house that brings money and bread, this was his task and it was important to him. Not being able to do is torturing him.

She could see his eyes drifting off probably thinking of all sorts of things. "Sweeney sweetheart it's alright not to feel okay, you can tell me.." they could talk like before there was no need to distance himself from her. She didn't want him to keep it to himself and struggle with it. Talking might not solve the problem but could give him some relief.