𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 || baxter radic

1.

I've spent the last few weeks watching Summer play the fence with Ari and Bax. Summer is my best friend, I love her to death, but I hated watching all of it go down. What hurt the most is watching how much Bax cared for her, and how much she loved Ari instead.

When I first saw Bax at Summer's first competition, I instantly wished I could have a piece of him for myself. He carried himself proudly. He knew he was one of the best at what he did. He radiated cocky confidence that, despite being a red flag to some, really peaked my interest.

As I've watched him fall for Summer, I've realized that he's far from the bad boy he portrays himself as. He's lived under so much pressure for so long, all he's looking for is validation. He's never applauded for his good doings. Instead his buttons are always being pushed, someone's always trying to send him over the edge. But if you pay attention closely, there is no ledge you can send him over. All he wants is for someone to notice him as something more than a constant fuck up.

Summer saw that in him. He opened up to her. He let her in. But he also let his sister pile drive bad ideas into him. He fucked up with Summer, I won't fault her for being upset with his mistakes. But I saw past the mistakes. I saw why he made the decisions that he did. Eventually, Summer did as well, but their ship had already sailed. Ari had taken his rightful place back, only to leave Bax sitting with a bit of heartbreak all around.

His family had betrayed him. The girl he cared for picked someone else. He was alone now. He didn't have anyone to run to. I craved to be the one he could rely on, but could I really step in on a guy my best friend questioned making hers?

This idea has run wild in my head since she confessed to me she wanted Ari. I should have asked then and there if Bax was up for grabs, but he had picked her. He didn't want me. He wouldn't want me. There was no point in asking a question I already knew the answer to. Bax was off limits. He was charted territory that no one could enter now. We already saw the distance that occurred between Poppy and Bodhi when Poppy decided to start dating Marlon. I didn't want to risk that for even a second.

So instead of crossing boundaries, I sit at the beach in the morning, watching Bax surf. I hide in the shadows so no one knows. I admire his talent and cheer him on from within. And I hope every day I'm down there, I'm not caught. Not by him, not by Summer, not by anyone. Then my secret would be out. And I don't think I'm ready for anyone to know how long I've been crushing from afar. If someone were to find out, I might crumble.