𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 || baxter radic

47.

The walk to the beach doesn't take as long as I remember it taking in the past. I guess maybe that's what a positive mindset does to you. Nothing seems as dreadful. Time doesn't seem to last forever. It just exists how it should.

When I arrive I'm met with familiar faces. My friends gather at the edge of the beach, all full of smiles and warmth. They were like I had always heard them to be. Happy and carefree.

I slowly approach them, hands in the pockets of my pants. Just because I helped my mental issues, didn't mean I had gained any confidence. That was still a work in progress. I loved myself now, I just still didn't like being the center of attention. Actually, still hated it.

"Hey." I say softly, and immediately all heads turn in my direction. I'm swallowed in hugs by the girls. Ari and Marlon follow quickly after, but it's Bax who lingers. His eyes just watching me with intent.

I can't help but look. He's got a girl in his arms. And though my heart does break, I am happy for him. He deserved someone who was able to love him without any bullshit. But I couldn't let the distance stand between us so I extend an olive branch, a small one, but one nonetheless. "Hey Bax."

"May." He says, his tone short, his grip tightening around the girl in his lap. I had envisioned this moment so many times in my head. Each time it going the same. Him with another girl, a curt response. No emotions, unattached. But it was always Maybelle, never May. That caught me off guard.

"Just thought I'd come over and say hi. Hope you're doing well." I wiggle my fingers in the air and walk back over to the girls who are in deep talk about my appearance. Though as I do, I can't help but feel the heat of someone's laser eyes focused only on me.

"You just vanished girl are you okay?" Poppy asks, which I can only assume means Summer knows. Otherwise, there's no doubt she would have beat her to the question.

"I am now." I smile wide, a real smile, not one painted on for the facade. "I went to treatment for my mental health. I'm doing really good. Beyond excited to be back with you guys. Seems like a lot has happened while I was away."

My comment is clearly directed at the new addition to Baxter's repertoire, but I didn't really want to hear the tea. I would much rather hear all the updates in their lives. Bax was happy, that's what mattered. He was happy, right?

I glance over my shoulder at him. There isn't a smile. There isn't the spark that I know and love. The spark I even saw with Summer. Oh, yeah, definitely over that. It's clear after treatment that the jealousy and animosity I had toward Summer was eating my brain alive. That was one of the first issues I had to work through. I needed the nightmares to stop. Once that was sorted, everything followed slowly and methodically behind.

"That's his flavor of the week." Bodhi rolls her eyes. "Old Baxter has been in full swing since you've been gone."

"Sounds like it didn't take him long to move on then?" I direct my attention toward the group of girls. Summer's face is the only one whose doesn't read somewhat of disgust. It's almost like she understood something more than Poppy or Bodhi.

"Pretty sure I saw him making out with a girl the day after you left. Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. That's the saying isn't it?" Summer raises her brow at me. She wasn't saying any of this to hurt me, or burn a new hole into my skin. She was being her blunt and honest self. Exactly what I needed her to be.

"Good on him." I shrug my shoulders. "As long as he's happy and having fun that's all that matters to me. I'll always love him, but I needed to do what was best for me. And in the end what was best for us, not just Bax and I, but all of us."

"You're like a whole new girl. I love it!" Poppy pulls me in for another hug that I happily accept. There wasn't much warmth at treatment. Everything was about routine. It was all very sterile. Lots of emotions but not deep connections. Well, some people formed deep connections, I just wanted to focus on myself.

"She's the old Belle." Summer smiles at me, a smile I haven't seen in years. Or maybe I have, I've just been too lost in the past to recognize its meaning. It was a look of love and admiration, for a girl who was practically her sister. "The one I've always known to be buried in there somewhere."

"I'm back bitches." I laugh and as I do I feel a presence walk up behind me. Without even looking I know Bax has made his way over. And knowing who he is, he's making all attempts he can to flaunt the girl he's with.

I carefully plan my next move. First, I take note of the look in my friend's eyes. I study their reaction to his approach. They all read of warning, all of them except Summer. And for that, I know I'm safe to turn and look.

"Felt like you were missing out on the fun?" I address him, and not the girl he's got his arm wrapped around. She isn't there. She doesn't exist. Not to me because even if I am happy for him, it doesn't make it suck any less.

Choosing to lose him had to be one of the most difficult decisions that I made. It was difficult because I knew how Bax would handle it. Even if he believed we were meant to be together forever, he wasn't one to sit around and find out if I was ever coming back to him.

"We're gonna get out of here." He motions over his shoulder. I had almost started to forget how smooth his voice sounded, almost like butter. I really did miss him.

"Have a good day." As much as my heart wants me to smile weakly, I don't. I send him off with a smile of pride. Proud of myself for not crumbling, for being healthy enough to withstand seeing him with someone else. If this had been months before, this girl would be a bloodied mess... I'm sure of it.

"Before we go..." Bax's eyes soften. This hard exterior he's been holding around himself drops. "Good to know you're alive." Without waiting for a reply, he walks off—not letting the girl out of his grasp.

The action reminds me of how we used to be. But I knew there were no feelings involved. I could tell in the way he looked at her. She was just a piece of meat to him. But she knew that. She was using him in the same way. If you let Baxter into your life, you expected to be thrown out for the next best thing. That's unless you were a hell raising New Yorker like Summer or I. We were different. I'd never understand why, but I didn't have to know why. Only Bax did.