𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 || baxter radic

48.

"Did he think I died?" I furrow my brows in question, watching him walk away until I hear Marlon speak up. His voice pulls my attention, my brows relaxing as I listen to him speak.

"You did vanish without a goodbye. Summer didn't even know what happened." I look at Summer and a guilty expression explodes on her face, though I don't know if anyone can read it. The lack of a call out makes me believe only I can read her true feelings.

"If he thought I'd kill myself, then he never knew me at all." I sigh. "One day he'll understand that our break up was for the best. Though I apologize for making you all suffer the consequences of my actions. I'm not sure random girls every day is very fun at social gatherings." I laugh a little to myself.

"We deserve some sort of payment for our suffering." Ari speaks up, and earns a shove from Summer. I shake my head at their playful love. A love to me that has always seemed so fresh and new, like what I would describe as puppy dog love.

"I can bake a cake or something. Can't guarantee it will taste good, or that it won't make you sick, but I'll give it my best effort." I shrug my shoulders. "I think that might be all I can offer."

"Or you can chase after that man and win him back please." Bodhi begs. I trace a line in the sand with my toe but shake my head in response.

"I'll want to fix him. I'll want to glue all his broken pieces back together. I'll put all my focus in making him happy. I'll lose sight of my own mental health. Love isn't an option, not until life returns to normal. It's my first day back to... real life." I throw my hands up in the air, and take in a deep breath. "I'd like to enjoy it. I'll stick to the cake baking."

We don't spend much more time at the beach. Summer and I return home and just catch up. Not on Bax, not on my treatment, but on everything in Shorehaven. She shares all the drama and the romances. The hook ups and the break ups. It feeds me the knowledge I've been waiting to learn since I left.

Once I'm caught up on all things Shorehaven, Summer and I attempt to bake a cake. It goes horribly wrong. The kitchen is covered in all sorts of baking ingredients. We must have missed one though, because when we pull it out of the oven, something is majorly wrong. It ends up in the trash, and we don't attempt a second. It was fun though; a joyful memory I've missed making with friends.

"I'm going to go have dinner with Ari, do you want me to bring you anything home?" Summer looks at me as we finish up cleaning the kitchen.

"Um," I think quickly, "no I'll have something here. Thank you though. I hope you to have a great time." I wrap her in a hug before sending her off for a fun night.

Despite feeling a bit hungry, I don't make myself anything. I only assume if I try it will turn out just as bad as the cake. So instead I retreat to my room and curl up on my bed with a book. I find myself lost in the pages of it when I hear a disturbance outside my window.

I slide my bookmark in between the pages before glancing out my window. Stood there hiding is Bax, repeating old habits, refusing to change. "Baxter." I call him out of hiding. If he actually thought he was hidden, he might have actually become the worst hider I've ever met.

"You caught me." He throws his hands up as he leans against the window's frame.

"You weren't exactly being quiet." I chuckle as I slide my book on my nightstand. I don't turn to face him; I keep my position firm. I couldn't find myself wrapped up in him. Not now at least. Even if it was taking all my will to stop myself from running out and holding him tightly in my arms.

"Quiet's never been my forte. But you already knew that. I guess it's never been yours either, but you knew that too." Bax's words are tempting, pushing boundaries I set for myself. Boundaries I promised I would keep because I needed to come first.

"You've done quite the emotional flip from earlier Radic." My eyes jolt toward him as his last name rattles of my tongue. His demeanor stiffens, hating the way it sounds. Things needed to be different, because if they weren't, I'd fall and I'd fall fast.

"You were looking then." He's quick with his answer despite being caught off guard.

"Of course. My ex is with a new girl, of course I'm going to look. I mean it's hard not to. You love to cling to whatever girl is yours for the time. It's what you do. The Baxter special of you may." I adjust myself on my bed, finally shifting to face him.

I throw my legs over the edge of the bed and hunch myself forward. "You look happy though and that's all I honestly care about Bax." He didn't, that was a lie. I'm not supposed to lie, but a little white one never hurt anyone.

"You broke my heart and now you care about what I feel? You didn't care when you were shattering it into a million pieces." He cracks. It's honestly taken him longer than I expected though. I figured he'd rip me a new asshole on the beach. At least he waited to air it all out in private. I guess he didn't want to show off in front of the new flavor.

"I did care and that's why I did it." My voice is full, blunt, and honest. I know that I'm coming off cold, but it's the only way I feel like I can get him to understand. Though I don't think he ever will.

"You break my heart and leave. That's not caring Maybelle. That's just plain torture. At least if you had been here I'd know you're okay. I wouldn't have been suffering wondering how the fuck things went so wrong." Bax's voice breaks, indicating he's on the brink of tears or a full on screaming war I'm not ready to battle in.

"You moved on quite quickly I've heard. I don't think I tortured you for much more than a night Bax." I clear my throat and stand, closing the distance between myself and the window—myself and him.

"Do you even feel sorry?" Anger brews out of sadness when he speaks. The lack of empathy in my tone is killing him. I do empathize with him. I really do. I feel his pain. I understand his hurt. But that doesn't change the fact that I believe what I did was for the best.

"Baxter..." his name trails out of my mouth as I try to reel him back in, "of course I feel sorry. Breaking up with you was no easy feat. I was not well. We were not well. The relationship was great. We loved each other, more than anything. It's the truest form of love I've ever experienced. But we were a constant chemical reaction waiting to explode, waiting to destroy whatever it could. That part of us was not healthy. We were ticking time bombs with fuses so short that even the slightest of a wind blow would set us off. If you think that that part of our relationship was healthy, then I think maybe you need to do some work on yourself like I've just done for myself." I look at the ground, unable to face the reaction he'll have painted on his skin.

Treatment taught me to always believe the words I have to say. That if I'm going to say them, say them with everything I've got. And I had. But they also tell you to focus on the reaction of the others around you. Control the situation. Feed it into a positive direction. But Bax came here looking for answers that didn't abide to what he wanted to be true.

We wouldn't be able to reconcile our differences if he didn't want to open his heart to listen. I may have been the one that walked off on his heart. But I had also walked off my own and I was able to pull myself out of the negativity. If I could do it, I knew that he could. He just needed to believe in himself.