𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 || baxter radic

60.

"Summer?" I knock my knuckles against her door a few times but get no response. Bax had dropped me off home, heading out to surf for a bit. And the moment he left I turned into a complete ball of mess. Tears are staining my cheeks and I can't control the gasps for air I'm struggling for.

I'm about to give up when the door cracks slightly. The moment she sees me, her door swings wide open, pulling me in for a hug. "If he broke your heart I'm gonna kill him." She tightens her arms around me until I can barely take in any air. Only letting go when I tap her to let me breathe.

"I need your help." I ignore her statement. No one needed to be killed. Just the possible baby Bax just shot inside of me. I wasn't on the pill. I lied, I manipulated because I needed him. I wanted to feel close to him again. I wanted to make up for the pain I put him through. And I really just needed him in that way.

"Talk to me, what's going on?" She shuts her door behind us, knowing if we don't her mom will eavesdrop on the conversation if she leaves her room. Thankfully she wasn't out when I arrived or I would have been caught sobbing. She didn't need to know. Summer didn't need to know either but... I couldn't do this alone.

"I—" I stutter over my words not knowing how to ask for help. I never asked for it. I could always deal with it in my own way. I used to be like Bax, but now I couldn't be further from that person.

"I can't help if you don't tell me Belle." Despite the panic, the tears, all of it, Summer remains calm. She takes control of the situation like a big sister would. Except she's not the older one, I am.

"I slept with Bax." I spit out, but that's not what I need help with. I just can't find the right words to say. But those four words are enough to light a fire under Sumemr because her face shifts to anger.

"Belle, come on." She groans, stepping away from me.

"We didn't use protection." I finally get out after half of a monologue I zoned out through because I can't stop thinking about his swimmers stabbing into an egg of mine. I can't get pregnant. No fucking way I could do that. Not to me. Not to him. Not to anyone.

"Oh my god Maybelle!" Summer storms around her room. I needed her support. Not this. I knew it was risky coming to her, but I had no one else. I didn't trust anyone else. I knew Summer wouldn't tell Bax. The others, I didn't know if they'd keep it a secret.

"I lied to him Summer. He didn't want to do it without protection. I told him I was on the pill just so he would. I'm scared Summer." I break down, dropping to the floor as tears begin to pour down my cheeks again.

"Well we clearly need to get you Plan B." Summer continues to pace her room only making the anxiety I'm feeling much worse. Even if I close my eyes I can still hear her. Each step she takes sends my nerves another step up the stairs.

"Just stay here." She places a quick touch to my shoulder as she walks by, leaving me alone with my thoughts again.

She returns a few minutes later with her mom following her. I'm swept up into her arms. She's who I should have gone to. She wouldn't have panicked. She wouldn't have yelled at me. She would have done what any good mother would do which is help. I'm just so used to not getting help, I fear opening up. Especially to adults. Therapy is helping but the process is slow. Things don't change overnight.

"You'll be okay sweetheart. I'll go get you the pill, but you can't do this again. You have to be honest with Bax when you see him. If I find this happening again, I will have to step in and make sure the two of you are accompanied by someone else." I nod my head slowly. I don't care at this point. I just don't want to be a teen parent. I can't be a teen parent.

She doesn't take long to return with the pill, which I take immediately. I spend the rest of the day curled up in my bed, not moving, not thinking. I stare at the wall just existing. It had been a long day and the thought of actually being a human for even a second took too much out of me. But the relaxing comes to an end when a warm body slots behind mine.

"Summer told me I needed to come over." Bax kisses my shoulder. "Why didn't you text me telling me you needed me? I'm here for you May."

"Because I lied." The monotone voice that leaves my mouth has Bax shifting back from me. It's an instant sting. His warmth is what I needed, and now it's gone again.

"What do you mean May?" He sits up, hovering over me slightly. The view he had wasn't enough. Without being able to read my face, he couldn't be sure if all this was just some joke. It wasn't, and he was about to learn it all.

"I'm not on the pill. I lied because if we had waited there's no telling if I would have still been in the mood. I was selfish and caught up in the moment. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have lied to you." I feel the tears creeping their way back up the longer I hear my voice screaming at me in my head.

"You've been lying a lot May. Every time we're together your lying or manipulating situations. Is it me? Is it my fault?" I can sense that he's agitated. He wants to get away, but he doesn't because he knows I'll just end up crying a lot sooner. He can't live when he sees me crying. He turns into mush.

I shake my head. "It's a hard habit to break. I've been faking it and making up stories for so long. It's not as easy as flicking a switch." I confess things haven't been going as smoothly as I've portrayed them to be. "It's like my brain gets set on a track, once it's on it there is no deviating from the desired path until I reach the end. I will do whatever it takes to get there. In low stress situations I've been able to control it. But when my emotions are running rampant I can't. I lose sight of everything I've learned." I sigh, sitting up to get closer to him. He's too far away.

"I came in you." It's almost as if his brain doesn't process anything I've just said. Which is a proper response. He's just been told the girl he fucked without protection and came inside isn't on birth control. The very same emotions I went through; are now the very same emotions he is dealing with.

"I took Plan B." I look at him, upset at myself and I'm sure it reads on my face. "But I understand if I've just lost every bit of trust you had for me." I instantly look away and raise from the bed. Despite seconds ago wanting to be as close to him as possible, now I want hide and get as far away as I can.

"You have." He stands with me, but instead of crossing the room to comfort me, he steps toward the door. "You could have just ruined both our lives Maybelle." He shakes his head. "You still lack the concept of there are consequences for your actions. I don't like you playing risk with my life in your hands."

His hand reaches for my door knob and tears flow like a waterfall. I can't even hold myself up. I drop to the floor as he steps out. If he stays, he'll comfort me and neither of us learn from our actions. If he leaves a distance grows between us. Neither option was ideal, but he was trying the option we've never given a shot before. He leaves me in a mess that I've created for myself to deal with on my own.

I hear him say something to Summer, but it's hard to make it past my sobs and the wall muffling the sound of their voices. But I can only assume it's him telling her to let me suffer. Not because he wants me to suffer, but because I can't be treated like a baby anymore. If I continue to be coddled, I'll end up in the same position I was in before treatment.