𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 || baxter radic

53.

"You guys ready?" Summer breaks our meeting up, pulling our attention from one another. My heart is saddened by the ending of our hug, but we did come for dinner—not to stand her holding each other for hours. I guess Summer was right. If we were alone, conversation wouldn't happen. We'd end up just cuddled in each other's arms just enjoying each other's company.

"Yeah." I say softly, stepping back from Bax. He reaches his hand out for me to take, but I hesitate before actually taking it.

It was clear that the two of us were being watched. Every single thing we did tonight was going to be calculated and reported on. It is almost as if we are test subjects in an experiment and Summer and Ari are our doctors. Honestly, that's pretty spot on. They'd definitely be the doctors and we'd definitely be test subjects.

"You kept the button up." Bax comments as we walked toward the table. He's being extra soft. He's being delicate with his words—with his actions—it's making my heart flutter. It's almost as if a million butterflies have been let go inside of me.

"I knew you'd notice." I glance down at the front of the shirt as we approach the table. When I look up, I expect to see Summer and Ari sat next to each other, but they're not. I sigh and slide into the seat next to Summer. Bax following suit and sitting next to Ari.

I wished I was sat next to Bax. Sitting across from him felt like he was miles away. Every part of me wanted to touch him. I wanted my head to rest upon his shoulder. I wanted my hand wrapped up in his still. I just wanted to be beside him, but I couldn't make that decision. Summer made it for me—made the better decision for me.

I was thinking with my heart. My heart was guiding me to what it loved—what it craved. It didn't care about my mental health. It didn't care about the repercussions of its actions. It didn't have to deal with that. All it had to do was love. My mind though, it had to deal with all the consequences. That's why Summer wanted this to not be a date. That's why she wanted to be here. She was looking out for my mind, when my heart was screaming for something else.

Ari and Summer drive the conversation before our food comes. Bax and I are too caught up in being near each other that we just check out. We just exist with each other. It was something we both had spent months thinking about. Now that it was laid out in front of us, we weren't sure how to act. So instead we just did nothing. We just smiled at each other—happy to be sitting even just across from one another. That was enough for us.

"Is this all you dreamed off?" Ari asks Bax and I. It takes both of us a few seconds before we even acknowledge he's spoken to us. It takes Summer nudging me in the side, and her kicking Bax under the table to pull our focus. She wasn't very discreet. It got our attention though.

"No." We say in unison, almost like our brains are connected—working as one.

"You're telling me, we went through all of this and you two aren't happy?" Summer raises her brows at us.

I shoot her a questioning glance not understanding what hard work her and Ari put into this. But that was a question for another time.

"I am happy." Bax's voice still reigns in a softness. It's almost as if he's floating on a cloud, probably that of cloud nine, feeling like he's on top of the world. He's just happy to be here with me. We could be anywhere and he wouldn't care. Place us in the middle of a shit field and I'm pretty sure he'd still wrap me up in his arms and kiss me in the most tender way he possibly could.

"Me too." I reach across the table for him to place his hand into mine, and he doesn't hesitate to do so.

"Then what did we screw up?" Ari asks genuinely. That list would take all night to cover.

"I would rather the two of us be alone." Baxter starts. I nod my head instantly agreeing.

"You two are great, I love you both." I add. "But I really do want to be alone with him."

"Sorry mate, not happening." I glare at Summer, absolutely hating her use of the word mate. Again, another thing I would have to address later. Now was not the time.

I did understand why things had to be this way. But it didn't change the way it made Bax or I feel. It almost made us feel like children, untrusted. Which to be fair, we shouldn't be trusted. It still wasn't what we wanted, what we dreamed of. We were just being honest.

"I don't want to say anything because I know whatever I say both of you will be judging me—or May. I can't speak freely because if I wanted to tell May she looks so damn good tonight. Summer, you'd instantly take that as I'm sneaking to your house to get alone time with May. Is that correct?" Bax questions my best friend.

Summer hesitates before a response starts to leave her mouth. "I wouldn't say that's where my mind would go first but it is something you would do Bax."

It was something he would do. But he's also been extremely respectful not doing it. Not after that night. He got his kiss, and he's stayed away until now. If anything he's proven that he can follow the rules if what's on the other side is the most important thing in the world to him.

"That's just how I'm feeling. I'll take what I can get at this point. But I will always want more. It won't be enough until things are back to... you know." Bax hand slips from mine as a sadness pings to his expression.

"Hey Bax?" I look at him. I don't care that Ari and Summer are here. His choice of words is pulling me back to the night we kissed. A certain tension filling that air on a night that's supposed to be free of that.

He encourages me to continue on. But I can't until I've completely gathered my thoughts. "I'm going to ask you something. I want you to be honest—fully transparent okay?"

"I'm always honest with you." He assures me. Despite the hesitant look in his eyes, he's willing to tell me whatever it is I need to know. Even if Summer and Ari are sitting here as innocent bystanders.

"Have you been seeing other people?" My heart races as I ask the question. His face falls and before he even speaks I have the answer I need.

He couldn't wait for me. I wasn't good enough to wait for.