𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 || baxter radic

45.

The plan was to go to the storage unit filled with of all my things. But as we pull up to the front of it, I can't peel myself off the seat. No matter how loud I screamed at myself inside my head, nothing freed me from the seat. I was suctioned to it, sewed to it, glued to it.

No matter how much I wanted to hold Max's tattered teddy bear, or run my finger over the thousands of photos of the two of us. I physically couldn't force myself to do it. So instead Bax and I returned the car and returned to the hotel. We didn't leave it for the next day. We sat inside, staring out the windows of the high rise. Simply just watching snow trickle down from the sky.

And just like that we were gone. I was leaving this life behind me. New York wasn't home. It would never be home again. Life didn't feel the same here, not with Bax. Everything felt heavier. The air was thick, it felt hard to breathe. New York made me question everything I had ever known.

The moment we touched down back in Australia, I felt like I could breathe again. Bax and I felt normal. There was no questioning on if Bax wanted me, or why. Bax wanted me because he loved me. He loved what we were together. He didn't care if I was broken, or healed. None of it mattered. He just wanted Miss Maybelle Grace, that was it.

The thing I dread though, the one thing that's still heavy on my heart, is having to sleep alone. I've had months with Bax by my side. But he had his own trip planned, a trip I was denied from attending. My safety net was being ripped from me the day we landed and I was terrified.

The goodbye was miserable. I ended up a mess of tears on my bed. I half expected to stand on a damp surface having flooded my room with so many tears. It didn't happen though. My pillow was the only thing soaked.

I didn't leave my room for the first day. Not to eat. Not to socialize. Nothing but him would make me leave. He was somewhere along the coast, very far away from me. It wasn't going to happen; no matter how many tears I cried. He was gone, and not coming back for the foreseeable future.

Summer tried to enter the lion's den quite a few times. But I only met her with silence. A cold shoulder was enough to turn her away. I was inconsolable and she knew it. There was no reason to fight a battle she knew she was never going to win. In the past maybe, but not now. Not when I was head over heels with someone who had clearly stole her place in my life.

The first night I went scream-less. Or at least that's what Summer informed Baxter. The second night though, I woke up drenched in sweat. My voice wasn't raw; it hadn't felt like nights where I've woken myself from screaming. But the nightmare was vivid. It felt like it was still happening, no matter how many times I opened and closed my eyes the movie still played like a broken record stuck on repeat.

"You really thought I loved you?" A cold laugh passes by lips that once loved upon my skin. I can't help but reach up and run my fingers over marks where he's marked me as his. "You're so gullible Maybelle." The hackle continues, as my heart crumbles to dust.

I'm merely melting into the floor. My knees have instantly bruised from the drop I've just done to them. A dampness coats my cheeks as he continues to blare words at me I never thought I'd hear him say.

"I used you to get Summer back. I even told you I wanted to kiss her and you still stayed. You're actually an idiot." Bax shakes his head. "You go on and on about your dead brother, like I cared. Took me to see where he died, like I cared. I don't care because it doesn't matter." He tucks his finger under my chin as he squats down in front of me. I try to fight off his touch, but it's nearly impossible. I have no control, he does.

"I had to act all sweet, make Summer jealous. And it worked. Of course it worked, because I will always be the best. You see it. She sees it. Everyone wants a piece of me all to themselves." He boasts and it makes me stomach churn, I feel the urge to vomit but I choke down the bile rising up the back of my throat before I do. "What can I say? Can't take the player out of the person."