Always On My Mind (Sequel to Always In My Heart)

Chapter 8- Issues

The next day is simply spent relaxing with Harry and his beautiful family. We sleep in late, eat breakfast together, go shopping in Cheshire, have dinner on the town, and then return home to relax some more.

I lounge on the couch in the sitting room, my legs tucked up underneath of me as I read Gone With The Wind. Robin sits on the couch across from me, his glasses perched on his nose as he reads the newspaper. Anne is upstairs putting some clean laundry away.

Harry went to bed really early because he wasn't feeling well after dinner. So, I laid with him until he fell asleep and then came down here to read my novel. I hum to myself happily as I flip a page in the book, tapping my lip gently with my index finger.

"So, are you having a good time in Holmes Chapel, Louis?" Robin asks cheerfully, not looking up from the newspaper. I smile and glance up at him, looking back down at my book when I realize he is not looking at me.

"I am enjoying it so much!" I respond happily. "I would love to live here someday," I add, turning another page in the book.

"Who knows, maybe you and Harry will have a house and a family here someday!" he exclaims with a grin, looking up at me from over the thin rims of his reading glasses. I look up at him with a shy smile, flushing slightly.

"I really hope so," I respond with a nod and a content sigh, smiling happily. He winks joyfully and chuckles, turning a page in the newspaper.

For some reason, lately, the words "Harry" and "family" in the same sentence make me feel so fluffy inside. I really hope that we will stay together for a long time; long enough to get married and start a family together. The thought makes my heart race a little faster in my chest.

I so badly wish that Harry and I could have kids of our own, but I know that it is nearly impossible. But even if we have to someday use a surrogate or just simply adopt, our kids will be one-hundred percent ours. I know that I will love them more than absolutely anything and their other father will, too, just as much.

The thought of Harry and I raising our babies together, bringing them up to be amazing people, makes me so excited for the future. I know for certain that Harry would make an incredible father.

I blink blankly at the words printed on the old pages of the book, a worrisome thought filling my mind.

How would Harry handle his anger outbursts when, if, we decide to have kids? A part of me worries that he would scream at them for the simplest things, like not putting a dish in the sink or not keeping their rooms clean. I worry that his anger issues would get in the way of his relationship with our kids. And more importantly, would he ever try to hurt them? The thought is so terrifying to me.

Harry has never laid a finger on me during one of his outbursts, but I still wait for the day that his anger gets in the way of his self-control. I pray that it won't happen, even though it probably will.

Would I be willing to take that risk?

Would I be willing to bring my babies into this world, constantly surrounded by the fear that they are in danger of their own father?

Harry needs help.

Suddenly, an all too familiar sound echoes through the large house. I slowly look up from my book, freezing when I realize what the noise is.

Harry screaming.

My eyes flicker over to Robin who removes his reading glasses and confusedly furrows his brows at the sound. I blink quickly, feeling as if reality is suddenly very fuzzy and unclear. The sound of hurried footsteps in the upstairs hallway echo through the house.