Shameless / Sandor Clegane

21.Degenerate

"The school disagrees." Davina corrected. 

"He's a boy. This is what boys do!" Frank decided. "When I was growing up, Joe Palazzo bit off a kid's finger."

"Oh, that's got to be bullshit." Kev laughed out.

"Sister Irmalita picked up the nub and wrapped it in Kleenex. She always kept her snot rag stuffed in her sleeve." Frank corrected. Sandor rolled his eyes.

"They're threatening to expel him." Davina shouted.

"Well, go talk 'em out of it." Frank agreed.

"They want a parent. A real parent." Davina said through an exasperated breath.

"Oh, I guess you're off the hook then, Frank." Kev agreed. Davina sent them both a threatening glare as they laughed.

"I have never been threatened by teachers, and I am not going to start now." Frank decided as he took another drink. "I am fed up with these pangender hermaphrodites who hate that human beings are a species with two distinct genders. It's like they've declared war on testicles!

They want to remove all the masculinity from the schools, fill the world with yogurt-eaters."

"What the fuck are you on about?" Davina demanded.

"Well, do your research!" Frank declared. "We're all descendents of barbarians, him more so than others," Frank nodded to Sandor. "- and the sooner we face it, the sooner we'll have a civilization worth celebrating. So, hell no, I won't go, 'cause no one scares Frank Gallagher!" He declared before two men entered the bar, the two that threatened Davina. "Oh, shit." he murmured making a run for it.

"Can you pretend to be Frank tonight?"

"Sorry, Dav. I'm working." Kev corrected. "Why can't you do it? Say you had Carl when you were, like, 14 or something. You could pass for 23."

"I'm trying to keep Carl out of a foster home, not give 'em reason to put him in one." Davina corrected.

"Frank will show up for Carl. I know you think he won't, but, deep down, I think Frank is capable of doing the right thing." Kev offered. Davina nodded before looking to Sandor. 

"You like Carl, you wanna pretend to be his father for the night?" Davina questioned, Sandor chuckled. 

"Oh you're serious." Sandor realized. 

"I dont have any faith in Frank." Davina agreed. She clasped her hands under her chin smiling up at him. 

"If you need me, I can be Frank but I dont think anyone is going to believe it." Sandor countered. 

+

"I appreciate you seeing me. You're Carl's mother?" Davina hesitated.

"Uh, no, sister."

"Legal guardian?"

"Formally, no." Davina admitted.

"Mr. Monroe? Where's that papier-mâché?" The principal questioned and he handed it out for her. "The kids have been making papier-mâché sculptures about what they love about themselves. This is Carl's." She held it out to Davina, Davina stared down at it.

"What is that?"

"That is a papier-mache pile of shit." Davina smirked.

"He has a very developed sense of humor." Davina agreed.

"We're not laughing." she countered and Davina's smile fell. "Carl's future is speaking to us through art. A dark future filled with what, even to the untrained eye, is a budding psychosis. I... We need to speak to his father or his mother."

"Well, they're-they're out of town." Davina decided.

"It's important... I need a parent! Not a sister." the principal demanded. Davina huffed a breath. Their parents were fuck ups. "I've had what seems to be 15 of you goddamn Gallaghers here at this school, and I have never once met a parent! Not once! Who in the hell is raising this degenerate?" Davina pursed her lips. At least it would work if Sandor came in pretending, she had never met Frank. "Come back tonight with a parent or a call will be placed to a place you don't want me to call."

"How'd the meeting at school go?" Steve questioned.

"Badly." Davina answered. "They're gonna sic social services on us if Frank doesn't show, since he's never once in his life shown up at a school event for any one of us, I'm trying to figure something else out."

"Why don't I come tonight and pretend to be him? I'll say, you know, I'll say whatever people say, like, you know, I'm traveling a lot, and Carl's probably just acting out 'cause he misses me." Steve offered.

"You really are trying to get in good with Fiona." Davina remarked.

"And this would help." Steve agreed.

"You're way too young." Davina decided.

"I thought you were gonna say "too handsome." Steve winked.

"I'm in a committed relationship with a man I actually really like. Don't come in here winking at me. He gets possessive." Davina warned.

"Right." Steve agreed taking a step back. 

"Go away, now." Davina added moving to the phone. "Hey boss, it's Dav. I'm going to be late tonight, family shit... yeah I'm sorry. I will stay late to make up for it." 

"Gallaghers always have drama." Tyrion chuckled. 

"Sorry boss," Davina repeated. 

"It's fine, slow night. Renly can handle it... let me guess your boy toy needs to come in late as well?" Tyrion questioned and her nodded before remembering that she was talking on the phone and he couldnt see her. 

"Yeah, he's... part of the plan to keep my brother-" 

"Plausible deniability." Tyrion corrected cutting her off. 

"It's nothing illegal." Davina assured. 

"Okay, if you say so." Tyrion agreed teasingly. 

"Thanks boss you are the best!" Davina declared. 

"Remember that next time I need a favor Gallagher."