Shameless / Sandor Clegane

15. Screw Cinderella

"Guess we can forget about buying a house." Veronica declared.

"You were going to buy a house?" Davina questioned.

"Mum said daddy left us some money, like a lot of money if I ever got married." Veronica agreed. "bye, bye house."

"Yeah." Kevin agreed glumly.

" Maybe not." Fiona countered.

"What do you mean?" Veronica countered.

"You don't actually have to get married, do you? I mean, your mom wants a wedding." Fiona remarked. "So, give her one."

"I could get ordained online." Davina agreed.

"Then we just don't file the license with the state." Fiona added.

"A fake wedding." The twins declared.

"Why not?" Fiona offered as Veronica and Kevin continued to laugh. "You'd still be married. It just won't be legal."

"Yeah, but what's the point then?" Kevin countered.

"All the free shit, baby!" Veronica hollered. 

"I need the computer! Debs find me a working wifi password!" Davina declared jumping up. 

"I can do you one better." Sandor remarked. He grabbed the laptop and clicked on the little wifi bars. Davina peered over his shoulder leaning into him. 

"Fuck off 321 is your wifi name?" Davina questioned. 

"You are going to love the password." Sandor agreed. "Everyone is a cunt, capital E, and the O is a zero."

"Ha!" Carl laughed out. "Thats great." 

"thank you." Davina whispered kissing his cheek. 

"What are you looking up?" Sandor questioned passing it back. 

"I'm going to get ordained for Vee and Kevs wedding." Davina remarked. "Oh speaking of which, you want to be my date?" 

"Hell yeah." Sandor agreed. 

+

"weddings not gonna work." veronica said walking through the front door.

"what happened?" fiona asked as veronica threw her purse on the table.

"mama wants a real priest." veronica said walking over to Davina. 

"shelia said she'd make your wedding dress if you want." Debbie informed her.

"oh, that's nice, but what good is the dress if I don't have a priest?" veronica asked pouring herself some coffee. Ian reached around Davina, leaning on the countered feeling around blindly for a piece of toast, she swatted at his hand. 

"You are tickling me." Davina remarked spinning around. She shoved a piece of toast in his mouth. 

"Thanks," He mumbled. "We still got those jelly packets somewhere?" 

"check the bottom of the fridge those fuckers always fall down." Davina answered. 

"you could hire an actor. remember the guy who played elmo at my birthday party?" Debbie asked.

"you remember that?" fiona countered. Davina chuckled. 

"he took his head off. it was traumatizing." debbie assured.

"you think an actor could work?" Davina asked.

"you know what? i can probably get father pete to do it, if carl will help." lip suggested.

"what's it gonna cost me?" veronica countered rooting her hands on her hips.

"Can Karen and I use your place Friday night?" Lip bargained. 

"done." veronica agreed quickly. 

"father pete? the groper?" Davina asked, her face scrunched up she didnt like her brothers going near people like that.

"God willing." lip mused. Carl walked in the kitchen with a fish in a cup of water in his hands.

"we got hot dogs?" lip asked peering into the fridge.

"Carl!" Davina demanded as the fish fried in the microwave. It popped and sizzled. "Gross." 

"what?" carl asked looking at everyone.

+

"why do i have to do it?" carl asked annoyed.

"You're the only one young enough to be an altar boy." Lip told him.

"We'll stop him before anything goes down." ian said.

"or anyone." Lip added and ian chuckled. Lip nudged him forward as they walked over to father peters office and knocked on the door.

"the gallaghers boys. if you're here to steal the offering basket, you're out of luck. already off to the bank." father pete told them.

"No, carl here is interested in being an altar boy." Ian explained as he took off carl's hat and fussed with his hair. Carl swatted his hand away

"that's a big responsibility." father pete told him smiling down at Carl.

"Yeah. we know, we tried talking him out of it. but he cried, and cried so we thought we'd bring him in. see if you thought he had what it takes." Lip explained with a shrug.

"hello there, carl." father pete said as he smiled at him.

"be back for you in a bit, bud." lip offered. 

"How did the ordainment go?" Sandor questioned. 

"Didnt have to." Davina remarked. "Vee's mom wants a real priest, so my brothers are blackmailing one as we speak." 

"Your family is awesome." Sandor decided. 

"We are dysfunctionally functional." Davina offered. 

Lip and Ian ran back in when they heard a crash and stared down at Pete on the ground and a wicked smirk on Carl's face. 

"looks like we have a priest for vees wedding." lip remarked. "good job carl."

"You don't have to go too crazy here, Sheila, but as close to Vera Wang as you can get." Veronica remarked.

"You are going to make a beautiful bride." Sheila declared as she stitched and hemmed the lacey white dress.

"Aw, Sheila, you're making me feel like Cinderella." Veronica declared.

"Screw Cinderella. Little doe-eyed bitch." Fiona corrected. "Probably one of the worst role models for little girls."

"I think Cinderella was a feminist." Sheila offered.

"The whole idea of marriage is a useless vestige of an archaic civilization." Fiona added.

"How would you know?" Veronica countered. Fiona looked to Davina.

"We watched one unravel." Fiona offered.

"Oh, so one example of a bad one makes them all bad, hmm?"

"Hmm? In olden times, marriage was nothing more than a legal exchange of women for property." Davina remarked. "The man held all the power, fathers sold of their daughters as if they were nothing but broodmares."

"Maybe you're being a little pessimistic." Veronica decided.

"I'm pro wedding!" Davina assured.

"It's just a piece of paper!" Fiona countered. Davina swatted a hand at her.

"A birth certificate is just a piece of paper. And money... money is just a piece of paper." Davina reminded her.

"But those are pretty valuable." Fiona corrected.

"Hey, Gloria Steinem, enough of the blah-blah." Veronica demanded. "Let's talk bachelorette party."

"I got that covered, don't worry." Fiona assured.

"Oh, you better."