ᴼᵁᴿ ᵀᴵᶜᴷᴵᴺᴳ ᵀᴵᴹᴱ~|ᴴʸᵁᴺᴸᴵˣ~|

34

TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️: Su!cide attempt, harrassment and Violence. Read at your own risk!

Hyunjin's P.O.V:

Okay. What the fuck?

Seriously, what the fuck?

Why am I feeling uneasy and nervous?

Why are there uncomfortable chills and shivers coating my chest?

Why do I feel like something's wrong was happening?

But to what? To what matter?

“Yongbok”

Yongbok

‘What? What does this have to do with that kid?’

“He is not home yet. Look at what time it is!”

I looked at the clock on the wall, reading the current time. 9:00 pm.

"It's still early. Why would you guys be freaking out about him? I'm sure he's fine out there." I confidently.....yet unsurely stated.

Unsure? Why am I feeling unsure?

It's still early tho. Why would I be worrying over that grown ass man? He's 22, for heaven's sakes. For sure he can look over himself. Right?

Right?

“Mind you what place he went to, genius. A club. A goddamn CLUB where creeps and harassers are everywhere. If that's not enough reason for you to get worried, then I don't know what's wrong with you anymore.”

For real! Should we pick him up? I mean, we know where's the location of the club so–

"NO! NO FUCKING WAY I'M GETTING BACK TO THAT FUCKING PLACE! NO DAMN FUCKING WAY!" I mindlessly shouted, my actions suddenly went uncontrollable.

I felt my hands violently shake, the cramping of my lungs and heart was making me throw up. I gripped on my chest and started throwing heavy punches on it.

‘Please stop. I don't want to recall the pain I went through from that place. I've already forgotten it, don't bring me back from that cruel rainy night. Don't pull me back from the darkness I've already escaped.’

And without knowing, my eyes welled up and watered, tears then streamed down to my chin.

Stop it, Hyunjin. That place and that memory is not worth crying for. FUCKING MAN UP AND GET ON YOUR FEET! WE'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR UGLY SOBS!

I tried holding my cries, but they just keep on falling. They wouldn't stop. Like how I wasn't able to stop myself from crying when I saw my ex with that–

FUCK YOU! Fuck you for leaving a scar on my heart, you nasty monster. Fuck you for playing with my heart! Fuck you for taking advantage of me! Fuck you that I can't even say your fucking name anymore.

FUCK YOU. Fuck LIFE. Fuck everyone in this world. FUCK ALL THIS SHIT! ALL THE THINGS THAT EXIST, FUCK YOU ALL!

I curled my body into a ball, squeezing my knees and thighs to calm me down. I felt numb all over. I feel nothing but coldness and torpidity that I don't want to move a muscle at all. I wanted to stay in my place until I die.

Why can't I just die right now?

God, if you really listen to your children, then why not grant my prayer? I'm also your child, aren't I? Or was it because I'm Gay that's why you're neglecting me. Was that it?

So why was I even born then? Why am I here after all?
Why is it so difficult to live? Why is it so difficult to be happy? Why is love so conflicting? Why did I have such parents in the first place? Why is obstacles always everywhere, ready to crush me to death? Why do problems wouldn't stop stacking on my shoulders?