ᴼᵁᴿ ᵀᴵᶜᴷᴵᴺᴳ ᵀᴵᴹᴱ~|ᴴʸᵁᴺᴸᴵˣ~|

91

Days passed by and it's now the day before Hyunjin's surgery. He was noticeably quieter than usual and Yongbok obviously got concerned by it. There are times he'd catch his lover staring at the void and taking deep breaths. And then a few previous nights, he would stir up to a faint, muffled noise of sobbing coming from Hyunjin. Other than that, he's starting to eat less again even though there would be meat added in his meals. 

He really couldn't help but wonder, and mostly stressed out.  

Hyunjin's unbalanced emotions are like how he was previously acting. But instead of lashing out and being a war freak, he transitioned to be gloomy and breathe in somberness. 

Yongbok couldn't put his finger on whether all this behavior Hyunjin was going through was because of his sickness or it's the other case. 

And finally, he will talk it out to Hyunjin and clarify what runs in his sealed, unreadable mind. 

The couple were still in the bed, cuddling. It was morning and the temperature was becoming lower so the feeling of laziness to make a move consumed them. Yongbok looked up to Hyunjin whose eyes were still shut, but he was obviously awake. 

"Hun, are you okay?" Yongbok blatantly questioned the other right off the bat. 

Hyunjin looked down at him, brows furrowed like he didn't understand where Yongbok's question was coming from. "Yeah. Why'd you ask?"

"You sure? Because lately, you were too quiet and... normally, you don't behave like that. I'm just worried, that's all."

The taller male's mouth formed a little circle shape, gently nodding his head from the enlightenment. "I'm... I'm fine. This is nothing."

Hyunjin's claim didn't work to make Yongbok believe. "Will you look at me and tell me it's nothing?" 

However, Hyunjin didn't obey. He untangled his arms around Yongbok and flipped over, facing the wall and shied away from his boyfriend. 

Or rather, hiding away the truth from him. 

Yongbok scooted closer behind Hyunjin, putting his arms back around Hyunjin's waist and giving a soothing peck on his lover's nape. "Hun, we promised right?"

"Yeah, I know. But... Ugh... It's nothing serious. It's just stupid thoughts."

"Well if those stupid thoughts make you stare at the wall for hours and cry and be quiet, then it's far from being nothing." 

Still, Hyunjin remained muted. His lips were pursed not to spill his worries away from his mouth. Yongbok patiently waited for him by continuously peppering kisses on Hyunjin's skin. The sensation made Hyunjin let loose, breathing out deeply and sliding his hand down to attach it with Yongbok's calloused, smaller one. 

"I... I don't know what's going on with me but I'm just... I've been thinking about a lot of things lately. About my surgery, about our future, about my health, about how I look... about how I hate myself." 

Yongbok squeezed their hands together, sending encouragement. "I'm listening, hun. Just tell me everything. Don't suppress your feelings."

The other hummed, finding his voice to start a word. "Even though you told me not to be afraid of the doctors and the idea of operation, no matter how much I try to be brave, my knees always weaken thinking about it. What if it fails? What if my body gives up in the midst of the operation? What if they couldn't resuscitate me? 

What if they get out of the operating room and tell you that they didn't make it? I don't want that to happen. I don't want to see you cry and in pain." Hyunjin gave up holding back his tears, the imagination was killing him. He's really scared to die now. He don't want to leave Yongbok just yet.