UNDERCOVER AND IN LOVE

CHAPTER 37: 20 YEARS

Tom and I are going out tonight, our usual date night, but it's to celebrate our anniversary. 20 years. It doesn't even seem possible.

To think how stupid I was to almost throw it all away, if I would have divorced Tom. I wouldn't have my children, I wouldn't have Tom. I still feel like I'm to blame for Isabella, and how Tom doesn't blame me I don't know, although I know he thinks he's to blame.

I am even more in love with Tom, than when we first got married. Watching him be a dad, just makes me love him even more.

I woke up this morning and Tom wasn't in bed.  I figured maybe he went to check on one of the kids.  Kaden sometimes has bad dreams. He will come in and get Tom, and Tom goes and lays in his bed with him, until Kaden feels safe.

Usually Kaden's dreams are not what most would consider a bad dream, but it is to him. Like he dreams that he is in this big role on a tv show and he forgets his lines and gets fired, things like that, rather than monsters or bad people. Tom and I try to comfort him, and encourage him to tell us.

I look at my beautiful wedding ring, my engagement ring, and the anniversary ring Tom gave me a few years ago. Twenty years and I'm even more in love.

Our life has changed so much with our 5 kids, but our love has only grown stronger with each year.  Tom is my best friend. And the love of my life The man of my dreams. He still has the power to make me blush, to make me feel weak, to drive me insane, and make me want him.

Our sex life is still as powerful and mind blowing even after 20 years.  I sometimes worry that Tom may get bored with me, with just being with me, but he reassures me that he is even more in love with me, and he wants me even more now than he did when we were in our twenties and first married.

He also tells me that I'm even  more sexier to him, that my body after 6 babies makes me even hotter.

The only thing is we have to be careful when we do have sex. Since we have 5 kids who could come in at any moment.  They know to knock on the door, although the younger ones don't understand the real reason why they need to knock.  It's been a few close calls, but luckily none of our kids have walked in on us having sex. 

I am lying in bed just thinking about Tom, and how it's been 20 years with him. How we have been through so much, the pain of losing Isabella, the guilt that we both still feel, that was so strong that almost tore us apart.  Tom takes me out once a week for date night, and tonight he is taking me to a very fancy restaurant. He told me to be prepared he is planning to sweep me off my feet and make me fall in love with him all over again. He already does that every day.

Tom comes in while I'm thinking about him. I didn't hear him, until he said, "good morning baby"  He had some red roses, and a tray with breakfast that he has made for me, and an anniversary card, that said to my beautiful wife.

I cried when I saw all that and read the card, him professing his love for me.  I said, "Tommy thank you. I love you so much."  He kissed me.  He said, "I love you more, and please if you are crying now, over this little thing then tonight"  We laughed.

Tom said, "Sydney do you still feel like going out tonight? If'd you would rather wait I can move our reservations to a different night."

I said, "I feel fine Tom. I am just still really tired. But I want to go tonight. I can't wait actually. Just to celebrate our day. I still can't believe it's been 20 years since we got married. I love you more now than that day, and I loved you so much that day."

Tom kissed my head, he said, "I can't believe how fast the time has gone baby. I love you even  more and I was crazy in love with you the day I married you. You are my entire world Sydney. Without you, I would not be able to survive."