UNDERCOVER AND IN LOVE

CHAPTER 38: LIFE CHANGING NEWS

I feel sick. I feel like I'm going to pass out. I feel like I'm going to throw up. I was right. There is something wrong and it's bad news. 

I said, "I have been trying to prepare myself to hear your words since I got that call. I knew it had to be bad news since the nurse wouldn't tell me on the phone, and since I've just been so exhausted, and actually just don't feel that good, even if I sleep all night long. Am I dying? I don't know how to tell Tom and my kids. Although being reunited with my baby Isabella gives me some peace."

The doctor said, "yes I am sure you are exhausted, and I have the reason why. But Sydney I'm so sorry if my nurse gave you the impression that it was  something bad, or terminal, or that you were dying. You are not dying. I am sure you do want to be reunited with your baby, but it's nothing like that. I'm so sorry you were worried."

I let out some tears, and just cried.  

She got me a tissue and gave me a hug.  

I said, "I'm so sorry, I don 't know why I'm crying like this. I mean I'm relieved that I don't have to tell Tom that, I didn't tell him that I'm here, and he would be furious with me if he knew he thinks I'm home resting up for our big anniversary dinner tonight."

She said, "oh happy anniversary, how many years."  I said, "20"

She said, "Congratulations that is a big milestone."  I said, "Thank you."  I said, "I hated to tell him I was just wanting to go home and rest, but at the same time, I didn't want him worried and upset, and I needed time alone to hear your news."

I am still crying.  She rubs my back,

I said, "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm so emotional"

She said, "I do. But I'm sorry that my nurse gave you the impression that something was terribly wrong. I'll have to speak to her about that. She's new."

I said, "no please don't. I don't know that she said anything, it's just that I wasn't expecting her to call, and then when I said was something wrong, she didn't answer, just said could I come in today I just have felt off for awhile. And just so tired, and I felt like maybe deep down something was wrong with me, but I tried to say well I'm 43 and not in the best of shape like I was.."

She said, "We did find the reason why your body feels off, why you are exhausted, and because of your age, I wanted to let you know as soon as I could, with your age at 43 there is more we need to look at. Sydney, I know that this news is probably not what you were expecting or even wanting to hear, but I am here for you, and if you need anything just let me know."

I said, "Dr what is wrong, you said it's life changing? Do I have diabetes?"

She said, "no, not yet, although with your age that could be an issue, as well as your blood pressure, we are going to need to monitor both and I will probably want you to come in maybe twice a month. Sydney, you are pregnant."

I stare at her. I really hope I didn't just hear what she said. I said, "Excuse me what did you say"

She laughed.  She said, "I figured this would catch you off guard. You are pregnant."  I said, "But how is that possible. I mean um my period has been off and on, but the last couple months I oh, I thought maybe my period had stopped for good."

I said, "Are you sure then?"  She said, "yes we ran a couple different tests, and they both came back positive."

I said, "oh, pregnant, a baby. I just wasn't expecting this. I mean I love our babies, but another baby at this age."  She said, "I understand, and I want you to know that you do have an option. I mean if you feel that you are not able to have another baby or want another baby."

I said, "Dr, no that is not an option, I would never abort my baby. I just wow another baby. It's exciting to be pregnant, and to have a baby, but it is so exhausting, and I mean we are 43 and 44, how do I even tell Tom. I mean our youngest is 8 and Tom and I are not young any more, the kids we have already wear us out, and babies take so much energy, and time, and they are totally helpless."

She said, "I know. I understand. It might take you some time to get used to the idea. At least you do have older kids who can help"  I said, "yes but it's not their job to raise a baby. What is Tom going to think. I don't think Tom wants another kid. The ones we have take all of our energy, all of our time, they are all in different events, we are on the go until we get home each night, a new baby."

She said, "It's a lot to take in. I'm prescribing you some prenatal vitamins, and also some protein shakes and smoothies. I also want to monitor your blood sugar and your blood pressure, so I will need you to come in and just have blood tests a couple times a month and get your blood pressure checked. Just because you are 43 doesn't mean you will have a hard pregnancy, or that you will have any complications, but it's just something that could present problems."

I said, "but will it cause problems for the baby? Do you think the baby is ok? have I done something to hurt it, not knowing I was pregnant. I haven't drank anything for the last couple of months, thank God. I just was feeling kind of queasy and didn't want to drink and feel sick."

She said, "I'm sure the baby is fine. You are in good health, and you take care of yourself. Just take the vitamins, drink the shakes and smoothies, try to eat healthy, and avoid as much stress as possible, and take extra naps. I know how busy your kids keep you, but you do have your husband to help you. Just try and take it easy when you can, get some extra naps in, I don't want to alarm you, but at your age, a miscarriage early on is possible, you are at a higher risk, so if you can avoid as much stress as possible."

I rubbed my stomach.  I said, "Thank you Doctor. For everything. I will do my best to avoid stress. I just don't know how I will tell Tom. I think that, I mean we thought we were done having kids, and at our age and a new baby, having a new baby as you know you get hardly any sleep. I just am worried about how he will take the news."

She said, "If there is anything I can do, just call me, and I know it will be a shock for him, but maybe just give him some time, and try and not get upset and stress over his reaction, this kind of news is definitely a shock, when you think you are done having babies. Just give him some time to absorb the news."

I left and sat in the car awhile. I said, "baby another baby, how do I tell Tom. I understand if Tom isn't happy about this news, and I know he will accept it, and be a great dad to you, I just want him to want you. As surprised as I am, and as much work as I know it will take, the sleepless nights, the diaper changes, the terrible twos, the potty training, I know that I already love you baby. I'm going to do everything I can do to protect you inside me, and keep you safe, until you are ready to meet us."  I rubbed my stomach.