REDESIGNMENT | #BWWM | RomePi™

A dance with the DEVIL... (BWWM) 📋

-HONOR-

I want to run, but I can't.

Have you ever noticed how hard it is to come up with answers at times when all hell is breaking loose in your life? After all is said and done, so many ideas rush around inside you like a hurricane rushing around like your head just might implode.

That what meeting him was like.

I found myself in a demon's grasp and only God knows how I might free myself from him because my strength to resist him has nearly vanished.

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Immediately proceeding that point in my life, all of my discipline, hard work, and sacrifice have been geared up to pay off.

Unfortunately for me, I unknowingly managed to cross the line despite every roadblock I put in place to guard me from the fires of hell.

I tried to address this very pitfall before leaving my hometown. Certain that I should limit my social circle, it was my hope that placing psychological fences around myself might aid me in my quest to exercise some measure of control over those whom I allowed in my space.

I simply desired for all to be well in my world, and surely there's nothing wrong with that.

Growing up in Dallas, Texas taught me to always be watchful.

After observing the way passengers behaved on the light rail, I learned to affix my mind on everything and nothing at the same time. Even though people worked diligently to appear as if they didn't see you, they were focused on every move you made at all times.

No one bothered to stare you in the eyes for fear that you might beg for help. Average-looking individuals often turned out to be financially challenged, structurally challenged, or both.

To care about others came across as an exercise most vehemently opposed. Even though I was a bit on the friendly side, I too learned to stick to my own business or risk parting with more than I cared to lose.

I was instructed to focus on myself, while also watching out for everyone else. Trust has always been reserved for those whom I knew well. Even still, it was necessary to keep an eye out for signs of deception or trickery in them.

Since I have always been advised to place barriers between myself and the world in general, I figured my life would be fine as long as I limited the number of interactions I had with strangers.

Even though I didn't technically place myself in my most recent mess, my own decision to ignore protocol led me down a course that imprisoned me within a set of circumstances which refused to let me go.

My so-called friend had a very detail-specific job to do and had she followed my instructions to the letter, I am one thousand percent sure my current predicament wouldn't exist. Because of one stupid, though potentially lucrative project, my world had been flipped upside down with me inside of it.

How hard is it to follow instructions?
Oh no, please don't listen to me; I don't know what the heck I'm talking about.

Everyone is always telling me that I'm just being paranoid. They constantly insist that I need to give people a chance or let's not forget my personal favorite. People assume that because I grew up with a measure of privilege, I have no idea what I'm doing when I endeavor to limit whom I expose to my business.

Unfortunately for me, because my friend thinks she knows better than me, she neglected to follow the most basic rules that I strictly freaking put in place. I don't consider myself to be better than anyone else, I just need so desperately to prevent bad stuff from happening... much like the situation I have found myself in.