My Lover

My Way

For the last two days, Rosalie kept debating with herself if she had made the right decision. Deep down, she knows that keeping her heart guarded when it came to her feelings for Evan is the right thing to do, but for some reason she is doubting her decision.

Leaning against the opposite wall outside of the armory, she is waiting for Sheppard. She had decided the night before she was going to ask him for his opinion, but now she isn't so sure about it. What if he sides with Evan or tells her that she is wrong in her decision? After all, Sheppard is his friend too. Hell, he was friends with Evan long before he was hers.

Still, she believes that she needs to have a second opinion, specially from someone who knows them both and isn't afraid to tell her what he really thinks, even if she has already made her decision and talked to Evan.

Rosalie hears Sheppard's voice and she knows that it's now or never. She sees him walking out and smiles at him.

-"Hey, what you're doing here? Thought you'd be swamped at the lab." - He smiles at her.

-"I made the executive decision to take a break. Plus, I need to run something by you. You got time to talk?"

-"Sure. Is everything okay?"

-"Yeah, just need your input on something."

Rosalie leads him to the closest balcony, wanting some privacy.

-"So, before I say anything, I need to know that I can tell you something personal and that it won't leave this balcony." - Rosalie rubs her hands down her pants, trying to dry them off from the sweat that suddenly seemed to coat every inch of her hands.

-"Of course."

-"I've been struggling with something and I need your opinion."

-"Okay. I'm all ears."

-"Okay, so... God, I thought this would be a lot easier. Okay, here goes. I'm in love with Evan. I fell in love with him while we were in a 'friends with benefits' sort of relationship. And now I have no idea what to do. I told Evan that we needed to end that side of our friendship, but all he knows is that it's because I don't want to put at risk what I have found here in Atlantis, when in reality I just want to protect myself and my heart. I don't want to fall even deeper and end up with a broken heart, you know? But now I'm doubting my decision and I don't know if I did the right thing or not. And that's where you come in. I need someone to tell me if it was the right decision or not, because it's pretty clear that he doesn't feel the same way I do and I don't want to get hurt and..."

-"Rosie. You're rambling."

-"Sorry. I just... I need to know if I did the right thing or not."

-"Look, I'll be honest with you. I already knew about your arrangement with Lorne."

-"You did?"

-"Yeah, he told me."

Flashback

Walking into the gym, Sheppard doesn't expect to see Lorne there, working the punching bag. He has been meaning to talk to the man and it seems that this is as good as he is going to get, timing wise.

-"Lorne."

-"Sheppard. What're you doing here so late?"

-"Only time I get to train by myself. You?"

-"Same."

-"Actually, it's a good thing I got you here. I wanna ask you something."

-"Sure. What's going on?"

-"What's going on between you and Rosalie?"

-"Why?" - Lorne smiles softly.

-"Just wondering. You two seem to be even closer than when she arrived, so..."

-"Can you keep a secret?"

-"Sure."

-"We are sort of 'friends with benefits'. We didn't plan it, it just sort of happened."

-"Isn't that going to change your friendship?"

-"It hasn't so far. And we are making sure it doesn't. But if you're worried that I might hurt Rosie, I tell you what. If that happens, feel free to kick my ass. It would honestly be a favor you would do for me."

-"If that happens, Lorne, rest assured you won't even see it coming."

Both men chuckled as Sheppard walked away from Lorne and started his warm up, knowing full well that the man would never intentionally hurt Rosalie.

-"Evan never told me." - Rosalie is surprised by this.

-"He probably didn't want to put you on the spot, or have you thinking that he was bragging, which he definitely wasn't."

-"That's probably why he didn't say anything."

-"As far as your feelings for him, I think you should tell him."

-"No, I can't. Plus I already made my decision."

-"Rosie, you asked me for my opinion, so here it is. I think you should tell him because I think it won't be as easy as you think to just push your feelings for him to the side. Besides, he's your best friend. Even if you tell him, I don't believe that will change your friendship too much. It may be awkward in the beginning but eventually it won't matter. You'll always be each others best friends."

-"Maybe. But I can't afford to lose him as my friend, not after all we've been through together and I also don't want to end up brokenhearted. It's just easier this way."

-"Are you sure?"

-"I'm sure."

Sheppard hugs her tight and that it's something that Rosalie was in need of. She pulls back a while later and feels him wipe a tear from her cheek as he tells her that he is there for her, no matter what happens next.

Rosalie hadn't even realized she was crying until that moment. Standing in front of him, with tears in her eyes, she realizes that there are a lot more tears coming.