About Me

Chapter 25: No Air

Recently I listen to the song No Air from Chris Brown and Jordin Sparks. I have a video-clip above the story. I'll put the lyrics under here.

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air

If I should die before I wake
It's 'cause you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world with no air
Oh

I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
Wish there was a way that I can make you understand

But how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gonna be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
It's no air, no air

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air

I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew
Right off the ground to float to you
There's no gravity to hold me down for real

But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care

So how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No more
It's no air, no air

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air

Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gonna be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
It's no air, no air

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air

Those are the real lyrics and I am putting the lyrics under here again, but with a few changes so they are more how I identify myself with them.

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air

If I should die before I wake
It's 'cause you took my breath away
Being with you is like living in a world with no air
Oh

I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
Wish there was a way that I can make you understand

But how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause you made my world revolve around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel 'cause you just never care
It's no air, no air

Pulled myself out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gonna be without me
If you take my breath away, I just can't breathe
It's no air, no air

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air

I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew
Right off the ground to float away from you
There's no gravity to hold me down for real

But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care

So how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause you made my world revolve around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No more
It's no air, no air

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel 'cause you just don't care
It's no air, no air

Pulled myself out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gonna be without me
If you take my breath away, I just can't breathe
It's no air, no air

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air

The bold parts are the things I changed, it didn't change much, but the meaning of the lyrics is changed. It's about being repressed and that's how I feel everyday of my life living with my parents and sisters.

Literally every step I take is being judged by them, I can't do any good and it's tough. I am trying to change things, but I am a kid, I may act like an grown up, but nobody cares about that. Nothing I do is good, and the one time I think I have fun they have to ruin everything.

I am working my ass off for them and they only ask more and more. I feel like an sort of Cinderella, but without the prince and the happy ending.

I try to fight back, and to get away as much as I can at the same time.

Today is my sisters birthday, she turned 17. It might sound mean, but I didn't want to spend money on a gift for her, I think that every thing I do for them is a gift. Always taking their screams and madness for nothing, it's a gift on itself and it's worth way much more then 15 euros.

I know people think I am a Drama Queen, or that they think it's funny, and in ways I really am a Drama Queen, and you can laugh as much as you want, but I don't lie. I am not autistic for nothing. And if you don't believe me, you weren't there, you didn't saw the hatred in my mothers eyes when I thought it would be the last thing I would see. You don't see the tears falling from my cheeks every times I think about it, you don't see the pain in my face and how I put my arms protecting over my chest. You don't see any of that.