the team doctor || bucky barnes (EDITING IN PROGRESS)

44.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ꜱᴏɴɢ: ʟᴏᴠᴇʟʏ (ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴋʜᴀʟɪᴅ) - ʙɪʟʟɪᴇ ᴇɪʟɪꜱʜ

"𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞."

~

VALERIE TOSSED AND TURNED. 

But she couldn't sleep. As her alcohol level decreased, her anger increased. She was angry at Bucky for how he treated her earlier, but she tried to remind herself that wasn't him. At least, it wasn't her Bucky. 

There was also the thing with Steve. If you could even call it that. She tried not to read too much into it since he was probably drunk and just read the room wrong. She decided she didn't have enough brain power to focus on more than one thing at a time, and there was obviously something more pressing at hand. 

She flipped over to face her nightstand, her alarm clock reading just past 3 o'clock. Huffing, she stood up and threw on a sweatshirt. Her sweatpants clung to her legs, probably a size too small but she hated having to throw clothes out. 

Valerie left her apartment quietly. She had gotten used to the silence that filled her floor, the echo of what once was fading with time. Her legs led her to the elevator as she pondered if she should turn back. If it weren't for the fuzzy feeling that lingered in her system and the anger she carried, she might have. 

The white doors slid open, catching the attention of the prisoner within the cell walls. She walked confidently for someone who probably still couldn't operate a vehicle. 

"Good," Her voice echoed. "You're awake." 

Bucky said nothing as he watched her walk down the gangway. He had been sitting against the wall of the cell, facing the doors. She wondered if he was expecting her. 

"I'm going to do the talking in this session," She continued. "And you're going to listen." 

She grabbed the back of the chair that remained in the same spot for what seemed like years. Dragging it slowly, she placed it right in front of the glass and sat on it backward. 

"I have been," She sighed. "Playing nice with you. I've tried to be patient. I thought, 'It isn't his fault he was captured and hypnotized back to his scary assassin alter ego,' but I'm done. I wanted to help get you back. Sure, that was probably self-motivated. But, part of me wanted you to just be free. Not for me, but so you wouldn't have to suffer anymore." 

His face remained stoic as he listened. 

"However, it's quite evident that you don't want to be helped. That's normal. A lot of people who endure trauma don't want help. I thought, 'I can handle that.' Until yesterday, I realized I couldn't anymore. It is killing me to do this at this point." 

She paused to see if he would say anything. When he didn't, she nodded. 

"So, I'm done." She pursed her lips. "They're pulling the sessions, so you'll just remain in here. Maybe with time, you'll come back. Who knows. All I know, Bucky, or whatever you want to be called, I loved you. Hard. I don't regret any of it, I just regret that I didn't tell you when you were willing to hear it." 

She stood up, satisfied with herself, and turned to walk out. 

Then, his faint voice reverberated around the room like a clap of thunder. 

"Wait." 

She stopped in her tracks, slowly turning around. 

"I lied to you."

She raised an eyebrow, staying where she was a couple of feet from the glass. 

"I did recognize your cardigan." He stood up. "I just didn't know from when. But, I knew I had seen it before."

"How do I know you're not lying now?" 

Bucky was an inch from the glass. "My head has been pounding the last couple of days. It's like...my mind is pulling me in a million different directions. I don't know what is real and what isn't--all I know is that this started when you came in wearing that outfit," 

She felt her cheeks betray her. 

"Part of me remembers your voice from somewhere. Another part of me is programmed to kill you the second I get the chance--the latter is pushing the former down as far as it can." 

"That doesn't make me feel better." She scoffed. 

"Fuck," He breathed. "Valerie, even your name feels so foreign and familiar at the same time," 

Her name on his lips sent her into another dimension. She was skeptical, however, not wanting to be burned again. But, as he stood before her, she couldn't find anything to reveal that he was putting on a front. 

"Do you remember anything?" She asked, hoping she wouldn't regret it. 

"I remember your chair, in your office. I can feel the leather on my skin. I remember your red cardigan. I remember some weird blue thing, with glasses. I don't know what that's about," 

Tears pricked at her eyes. 

"It's, um," She turned her face so he wouldn't see a tear roll down her cheek. "From a movie we watched." 

"Oh," 

She was in front of the glass now, once again only inches from him. She watched his eyes scan her face, feeling hope return to her heart. His eyes were soft where they had been hard, and his face relaxed. 

"Have you been having the nightmares still?" She asked, breaking the silence. 

He nodded. 

"I'm sorry," 

"How did you," He cleared his throat. "Fix them before?" 

"I talked to you a lot," She replied. "But you, um, eventually started just staying with me." 

He nodded again. "Would you, uh, mind..." 

She smiled, shaking her head. "Not at all,"

He sat against the glass, causing her to follow suit. Their backs were pressed against the glass, talking quietly to each other. They stayed like that for an hour. 

Dawn set in, and Valerie had fallen asleep with her head leaning against the glass. The noise of the doors sliding open woke her as she winced at the kink in her neck. 

"What the hell are you doing?" Sam whisper-yelled as he walked towards her. "I couldn't find you this morning and got nervous. You left so abruptly last night," 

She stood up, turning around to see that Bucky had fallen asleep lying on his back next to the glass as well. Her lips curved into a smile. 

"I came in here last night," She started walking out. 

"Wha--" Sam whipped around to follow her out. "What do you mean you came in here? You were alone?" 

"Yep." 

He struggled to keep her pace. "That's not what we all agreed on--" 

"Oops." 

Sam tried putting himself in between her and the elevator. "Val, what's going on?" 

"Sam, I'm sorry, but if you thought I was going to follow rules regarding something like this, you don't know me as well as you think you do." 

"We pulled the experiment, you aren't allowed to see him anymore." 

"Well, I did anyway. And he remembered things, Sam."

His eyes went wide. "He did?" 

"Yes. I think he just needs an extra push," 

"What did you have in mind?" Sam's voice was full of caution. 

She paused before walking into the elevator, turning to look back at him. 

"I need to go in the cell." 

~ 

:O