the team doctor || bucky barnes (EDITING IN PROGRESS)

54.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ꜱᴏɴɢ: ɪ ᴡɪꜱʜ ɪ ʜᴀᴛᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ - ᴀʀɪᴀɴᴀ ɢʀᴀɴᴅᴇ

"𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝, 𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞, 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐫."

~

"AND YOU'RE SURE?"

Bucky only nodded. Fury took a deep, long sigh as he rifled through files. He grabbed one, thumbing through it before handing it over.

"I'll speak to Stark about this," He responded. "It's up to your discretion who you involve--"

"No one. I don't want anyone knowing."

Fury would rather take out his other eye before asking the man about his love life, but he did consider it. Ultimately he decided to let Bucky make his own decisions without interference, and it really wasn't his business.

"Make the necessary preparations and get started as soon as possible."

"Yes, sir."

<>

Valerie woke up in the tangled mess of her sheets, hating that she did so alone. The anger in her stomach had subsided and left sadness in its place. Before, she was definitive about being angry with Bucky but at least they still had their banter. Now, it seemed different. It felt real.

She checked her phone for the time, seeing it was just past ten. She slept in, yes, but she felt she deserved it. If anyone desperately needed her, her phone would have notified her. She dragged herself out of bed to shower off the lingering sadness she could feel sticking to her skin from the night before. The day needed a fresh start. But hot water wasn't enough to rid her of the ache she felt in her heart. Traces of him were everywhere in her apartment, from the sweatshirt he gave her to the socks he had left to the dent still somehow in the pillow he used. Sorcery, she swore.

She was never good at breakups. Not that she had many of note, but she usually threw herself into her work to forget. This situation was unique in that he would always be a part of her work as long as she worked here.

Yes, she contemplated quitting. The thought crossed her mind a few times when he was still in that cell. But, hell, she loved this job. She loved the team. It wouldn't be fair if she had to lose all of that in the mess he caused. But they could be together now, she reminded herself. Her forgiveness was standing in the way of that. Well, it was the only thing before he hit her with the shocking realization that their relationship is most likely the worst idea.

Something she still couldn't believe he suggested.

She knew him better than that, though. It had to be a coping mechanism. She thought back to the months of Bucky denying a deeper relationship with her while they were...commencing a different kind of deep relationship. He swore he was damaged goods, couldn't give her what she wanted, so on and so forth. They just had rounded the corner when he was captured and everything went to shit. So, really, what relationship was she mourning? The sneakily fucking behind closed doors? The angsty, back and forth 'will they, won't they'? If she was honest with herself, there wasn't a relationship to mourn.

But there was. He opened up to her like he had never opened up to anyone before. She made him feel safe, and he did so in return. There was a depth to the two of them no one could understand. Only they could. She was mourning what should have come next. Maybe they would have never had a conventional 'will you be mine?' that came with bells and carriages, but she didn't care. That meant nothing to her as long as at the end of the day, they were each other's and they were honest.