What We Deserve

Part 11: Blink

It broke me into a million pieces and nothing- I mean nothing- put me back together again.

Tse and the boys were picked up back and interpol officer and whisked away from the Dam that night.

With no words from the officers, other than we will be notified when they meet back up with their family.

Tse cried and screamed the entire time they carried him off- Adric telling him it'll be okay and the two little boys just sadly waving back to Max and I. I ran after them. I ran and shoved my way through the Dam to try and grab onto my boy.

He kept calling for me and I ran after him because he needed me.

At one point, I grabbed onto the officer's arm to stop them- but Max had to pull me off because the last thing he wanted was for me to be arrested.

Tse wouldn't stop screaming as they loaded him into the Police car with his brothers. He tried to escape and come back to me- but ultimately failed.

We pressed our faces to the window and our hands overlapped each other's until they pulled away.

It was the fastest I've ever seen the government move.

Usually when something is going on- it takes weeks or months to get the ball moving and to set things right...but this.

This was a literal blink.

I couldn't even bargain with the officers for them to take them in the morning so the boys could rest.

I couldn't even persuade them to let me join them in taking them home- so I knew they were safe.

Couldn't give Tse my phone number just in case.

Standing on the sidewalk of the hospital for a while after they pulled away- I blankly stare at the cars driving by and I feel my entire heart just breaking into a million small fragile pieces.

"Helen..." Turning so fast on my heels, I shove my entire body into his and cling to him desperately. I just need someone.

I need someone to say they will be alright.

That I will be alright.

That I did the best I could for them.

After nearly ten minutes, Max leads me inside and into his office. He holds me the entire way into his side and his whole body stands tall as well go, but the second we open his door and get inside, he pulls me immediately back into his arms and we just drop to the floor behind his locked door. He holds me tightly and presses his face into my neck- tears coming down his own face as we hold each other tightly.

It was too soon.

To quick a heartbreak for us to even think that this was the best thing for them.

They're have their Aunt and Uncle back. They will be in a world that can fully understand them and their needs.

And despite the pain Max and I have- the experience is one no one will forget.

Between Tse trying to learn English to him nearly stabbing me our first....

"No....no no no no no...." I wail and Max pulls back and looks at me nervously.

"What? What's wrong? Helen?"

"His knife! Max! I still have his dad's knife! His knife! He needs it...it's the only thing he had left...I need to get it to him! He needs it..." Max sighs heavily and pulls me back into his arms.

"He couldn't take it on the plane. They would've tossed it....its better that you have it safe than TSA..."

"But it was his dad's...." I whine through my tears and he runs his hands up and down my shaking back. "I....I wanted....I wanted him...."