What We Deserve

Part 22: Two Weeks of Trips and Trials

So LSD has become a new staple in my treatment plan.

After the first initial and unintentional trip with David and Brünner-to 'gray back'- Penny and Eric decided that trips for me were going to be targeted.

I can say that first trip was anything but interesting. It served no real purpose other than spending some time with a pal. Though the punishment of kitchen duty afterwards only proved more annoying than eye opening. Apparently, David has been able to break into the LSD cupboards on numerous occasions and has taken many unplanned trips simply for the Hell of the adventure.

And despite Penny and Eric's best efforts to change the codes and locks- David seems to prevail in being smarter than them at breaking back into it.

Two weeks had passed since I've arrive and I've shared very little information with Max about my treatments when he calls on Saturdays. The Saturday after my Tardis trip, I merely told him I was doing fine but being a bother to Eric and Penny- despite my best efforts to not interrupt in group and share my medical opinions with the other patients. It's not as if I do it on purpose either!

My brain just makes me experience word vomit and according to Kapoor, who video chatted with Eric and Penny during my one on one- the insisted to them that I now have developed my own version of ADHD- which makes me impulsive. It's a rare thing to happen since it wasn't genetically based in me from birth- but it's the only easy explanation he had for them as to why I can't control my outbursts.

Max showed little concern for it, however.

He found it humorous that I was taking his own personal ways and implementing them in a very Max fashion.

During our calls he talks very little about himself and only ever expresses interest in my treatment and overall feelings- which is nice, but a tad annoying. I wish he would tell me about what he's doing and how his treatments are going. Lauren informed me during our call that he has become slightly odd. Said she ran into him with a woman with Luna and this woman's baby. He simply introduced her as Alice and her daughter, Bobbi.

I can only deduce that Max is moving on.

Found someone he has things in common with and frankly....I hate it.

I hate that he can't tell me about this woman and who she is to him. If he's seeing her or if they're just friends. And I don't want to pry and insist he tell me.

Because frankly, he isn't mine.

He isn't my anything but friend and colleague.

I want us to be more. I want us to share a life together- but if he's shagging someone else and playing a fatherly role to her child- then I can't do anything about it.

Especially when I'm five hours across the ocean in a mental facility getting high and tripping balls constantly.

And if he moved on from whatever that kiss meant at the airport- after I've only been gone a month- then I guess I know what kind of man he is.

"Sorry to bother you..." An unfamiliar voice pricks my ears and I turn from looking at my book to find Rosa standing in my doorway.

Rosa- the selective mute.

The woman who never joins our group therapy and is silent and distant through out the entirety of our days.

She is standing in my door way- speaking to me.

"Oh...Oh! Hi! Hello, Rosa, how are you doing?" I stand up and notice she seems shy as she hides half way behind my door. "Don't be shy! Come in! Come in! Please make yourself comfortable."