What We Deserve

Part 38: Recalls

"She cheated in your dream?!"

I regret doing this.

I regret telling him about my coma dreams start to finish.

How some were based in fact, but most were completely fiction.

His hang up--of course-- was Georgia sleeping with Mohammed.

Obviously it never happened.

That was mere nightmarish fantasy.

A trick of the mind.

It never happened because Mo never actually cheated on me, let alone got someone pregnant, nor met Georgia.

"Max, it's called a dream for a reason."

"But Mo was actually abusive towards you and actually died in the exact same way. So how far from reality was all of it?"

"He never knew Georgia. He never cheated. Up until his death, we spent so much time together that he never had the chance to go out a fuck other women. He was too hyper-focused on abusing and sexually assaulting me that he had nothing else to tend too. Besides, the notion that Luna is Mo's is beyond ridiculous because he died five years ago and Luna is only going to be one in January- so unless Georgia was some sort of odd creature that can hold sperm in her and self impregnate when she feels like- like some spiders and fish and amphibians--that notion is completely out there and debunked." I state and he sighs and shakes his head.

"Still though. You knew she cheated."

"In a dream...yes. Not in real life. I hardly ever spoke with Georgia and when we did have real conversations- they were only about you and your cancer. Nothing of personal value or conquest." I state and he shakes his head again and looks at me. He enjoyed hearing about how I 'picked him up' in the very beginning. Using doctor puns and logistics. He found it unfunny how I made his dream-self cum in public.

Yet seemed to enjoy the drama between Georgia and I.

The Tse thing broke his heart.

Everything else made him question my inner feelings more than when I woke up and Iggy and them sent me away to deal with them.

So now, he's struggling with this Georgia thing and my inner depression quite literally popping up in real time as myself.

"When you were standing on the roof that one day...staring down at the city...was she there too?"

"Georgia?"

"No- your...depression Sharpe."

Oh.

"Yeah..."

"And?"

"You wanted me to jump. Kept goading me to just do it and...and let's just not talk about this any more. It's dark and depressing and.."

"Me?"

"I have a funny way of using you to influence me..."

"If I didn't show up..."

"Please Max, let's not go down that road."

"Helen."

"I'm honestly begging you not to ask." I say and he just gives me the most painful look.

"So 'I' wanted you to jump. Your depression used my voice and face to put you right at the edge of possible death?" He sounds pissed and I don't blame him. "So...you would have careened off that building because 'I' told you too?"

"I wasn't in my right frame of mind."

"And you are now?"

"Says the man who was drugged for how many months and had to have his girlfriend step in to fix it." I bite slightly and he sighs. "Max- everyone gets depressed at times and everyone has inner thoughts and..."