What We Deserve

Part 33: A Disaster

"Max, please...you don't want to hear about..." I try to move passed him after setting the washer to run, but he gently grabs ahold of my hips and looms down at me.

"Please...I honestly know very little about you."

"Yet you love me all the same." I snidely comment and try to move passed him once more. He takes my hand and spins me back to him- as though we are dancing now.

"I do...but I still want to know more about you. Your parents. Your childhood. Your first crush."

"Why?"

"Because- I love you. I want to know everything about you."

"I don't think you'll enjoy the truth...it's best if we just pretend you know and call it a day." I get away from him and scoop up Luna as she crawls by me. Giving her kisses, I take her to the couch where Charlie Brown's Christmas is playing and she sweetly lays against me as I try to just calm my inner insanity down.

"So it's okay for you to want to pick my past a part but you can't even share a bit of yours with me?" He stands in front of the television and I close my eyes and growl inwardly.

"Max, if there was something to tell- I would tell you, but there isn't so please drop it."

"The fact that you're so insistent that there isn't anything, tells me that there is something and I think it's only fair if you open up and tell me about it. Be vulnerable and..."

"Vulnerable? Max- you can't even trust me to be intimate and make love to you properly- let alone discuss much of your own past—so don't throw rocks at me and end up surprised when I throw them back." I snap and he furrows his brows. "I know nothing about your family. Your Mum or dad. Or upbringing besides the tragedy of losing your sister- I don't pry though. If you wished to tell me- you would. I don't wish to tell you and therefore I don't."

"But Helen, if we're going to move forward- and..."

"Please."

"What?" He asks and I shake my head at him. "Helen, I just want to understand and..."

"دوست داشتنت را خیلی سخت می کنی"
(You are making it very difficult to love you!)

"Um...."

"M'andɔ wo da. saa asetena yi nyinaa a yɛdii no yɛ mfomsoɔ!"
(I've never loved you. This whole life we've made is a mistake!)

He stares at me as I yell at him and his whole body is full of confusion.

"به دخترمان هلن فکر کن."
(Think about our Daughter Helen!)

"ɔkyerɛ kakraa bi pɛ ma me! na ɔyɛ mfomso te sɛ wo!"
(She means very little to me! She was a mistake as well as you!)

I continue to scream at him and his mouth opens and tears come down my face.

"سپس من می روم و دیگر برنمی گردم! او را با خودم به ایران می برم!"
(Then I will leave and never come back. I will take her to Iran with me!)

"Ebia mempɛ no —nanso worennye no mfi me nsam da."
(I may not love her—but you will never take her from me.)

I drop back to the couch and hold Luna close to my chest and sob. Max just looks at me for a long time- confused and unsure as to what I said.

After a few minutes, Luna pulls away from me and wants down- so I let her on the ground and cover my face with a pillow.

"H...Helen?" He slowly comes towards me. My body trembles as I cry and I feel so ridiculous. "I um...I don't...I don't understand..."