What We Deserve

Part 35: Mayham

Standing in the shower, I sigh relentlessly and allow the warm water to cascade down my body as my mind races between several truths.

This is twice now.

Twice!

How in the bloody Hell-even with a BLOODY CONDOM- does this keep happening?!

And Max.

Max is beside himself.

He is going over everything as if he'll find some out of this world answer as to how an in tact condom leaks.

Frankly it isn't that hard a concept.

Either the condom was old.

Or it slipped slightly.

Or it was overly full.

Or it was tampered with.

The first three options are the most likely.

And frankly I don't care to think of the fourth.

Mainly because I know Max wouldn't puncture a hole into the damn thing and neither would I.

No matter how much I long for my own biological child.

It's all a bunch of bullocks.

Not that I would complain if I was pregnant.

But still.

Even when he makes attempts to go the extra mile of not having the possibility of getting me pregnant—that possibility still happens.

Turning the shower off, I stand there for a few moments and just try and align myself properly.

When even was my last cycle?

I believe back at FernWay. But even that's a stretch.

I've always been irregular and since the IvF treatments- tracking mother nature's 'gift' has been difficult. I can go two months without having one and then boom!

Randomly it begins.

And even when I put it down in my tracking app-its guesses are always off.

It will tell me a day or two before it's supposed to start and I wait with tampons and pads at the ready.

And nothing.

It's beyond frustrating.

Suzanne told me not to be surprised if I start menopause early.

Like that's what a 36 year old wants to hear when they are trying to have a baby.

Early menopause.

Fuck me.

Stepping out, I grab my towel from the rack and wrap it around my body.

"Hey..." He startles me with his sudden presence and I jump slightly. "Sorry- I didn't mean to scare you."

"Huh...it's alright." I state and turn to look at him.

"I still don't know what happened." He states and I shake my head.

"When did you buy them?" I ask and he looks at the box in his hand.

"I...I don't know. I think Georgia bought them- cause I normally don't buy this brand. They're within the date. So I don't get it." I take the box from him and it's nearly empty.

"How many did you both use?"

"I don't remember using any. We were trying for Luna."

"And where were these at?"