What We Deserve

Part 66: If You Only Knew

I don't think either of us slept at all last night.

Joel running through our thoughts kept us stirring next to each other constantly.

We didn't tell my Mum about it.

Can't truly expose things we know nothing about- can we?

Certainly not.

Rolling onto my side this morning, eyes dry from having stared at the ceiling for a good portion of the night- I find Max in a similar fashion. Hands folded on his stomach, staring intently at the white ceiling above us- his eyes constantly moving back and forth as if the ceiling is revealing some sort of story to him.

"Darling?" I tiredly croak and put my hand on his forearm. He jumps slightly before gazing at me- his eyes bloodshot and mouth in a sagging downward frown.

It takes him a few moments before he rolls onto his side and scoots closer to me. Cupping my face in his hands, his presses two kisses to my lips before resting his forehead to mine.

"I'm going to go find him." He quietly says. My eyes shoot open and I pull ever so slightly from him.

"Max- don't you think you'll scare him?"

"Scare him? Helen- he has a picture of me and my late wife. I am scared." He states quietly as he looks deep into my eyes.

"Yes, I am too- but he's a child and yours a grown man. He could have came out when you were with me before- but he didn't. He could have stayed a bit longer when you came back- and he didn't. Maybe I should..."

"No."

"Babe."

"Helen, I don't want anything to...."

"Nothing is going to happen- to me or the babies. Please, trust me. It's Saturday. Let me scout him out. See if I can't find him and get a bit of information from him. If he is..."

"What if he's not alone? What if his father is..."

"Darling- I'm positive he is alone."

"How?! How can you be so certain about anything that has to do with that kid?" He sits up and looms down at me with brooding worried eyes. "You're too trusting of some child who could..."

"And you're so paranoid—over a child who may just need your help." I sit up myself- a bit too quick and I feel I'm going to be sick. Sliding out of bed, I hustle to the bathroom and chunder in the lou. After a moment or two, Max comes in and holds my hair back for me as I relieve myself of bile and last nights supper.

"I'm paranoid because I have a family. A growing family. I would think you would be paranoid as well." He says calmly, rubbing a hand up and down my back as I finish getting sick. Wiping my mouth on a piece of bog roll, I slowly stand up and head to rinse my mouth out. As I brush my teeth, I look him over in the mirror.

I am worried.

Paranoid slightly.

Yet I know that there must be a reason this boy is keeping tabs on Max.

There is a reason he has a small hide out in the middle of the park near my home.

And there is a reason he came to me yesterday.

"I can't say he hasn't a mischevious motive behind all of this..." I garble as I brush my teeth. "All I saying...is he may need us....he may need..."

I spit the tooth paste in the sink, rinse my mouth with some mouth wash- before turning and looking at him fully.

"He may need you. There's a reason he has your information and there's a reason he's out there right now—possibly alone. I'm not going to pretend there couldn't be trouble- just as I'm not going to pretend I'm not worried about what could happen. I'm simply asking you to let me do some investigating first before you go scaring him off- leaving us without any sort of information or closure." His hands slowly come to my hips and his thumbs gently rub up and down them.