"𝐭𝐨𝐦, 𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮."

The New Years.

Today was the day the New Years were going to be.

2009. I hope that year is going to be better than this one. This year was the year my mental state went down slowly.

Losing my sister, almost getting SA-ed, starting SH again, getting beat up, bullied, tried alcohol...

It all happened so quickly and so fast, I couldn't process it all. But I knew that if my mom found out, she wouldn't probably care, maybe just be a bit worried. Other than that, she would probably send me to therapy. My dad...well, also the same as my mom.

I kept it a secret, didn't want anyone knowing because I know the word could spread and I would be judged for it. So, I keep things bottled up. I don't physically want to speak to anyone about my problems, even though I know it hurts to keep things to myself.

12:03 PM, 31.12.2008

I woke up slowly on my bed, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. I guess I immediately went to sleep yesterday, not even changing my clothes.

I looked out the window and saw it was snowing.
I got so distracted from the snow, it was mesmerizing seeing the view, even though it was nothing special.

Eventually, after about 15 minutes I actually woke up, brushing my teeth. Looking at the mirror, I decided to see my bruises.

I lifted up my shirt, revealing still small bruises laying on my chest. Damn, they were really purple.
But, I guess I got used to it. The pain subsided a bit since yesterday, so I guess im doing okay.

I headed downstairs and decided to skip breakfast, since it was already 12 PM and I knew I had to get my weight down.

Dad was on the couch while my mom was in the backyard, talking to someone? I didn't want to disturb dad so I just sat at the dining table, scrolling through my phone as my stomach rumbled quietly.

Soon, my hands started to shake lightly.
To silence my hunger, I ate a small, oatmeal bar.

I decided I would go to the backyard, to see who came. I slid open the door, causing me to go through. I saw mom and Lilian sitting and talking while having a coffee.

"Oh hey Chloe! What's up honey?" Lilian said, flashing a smile.

"Hi..I heard someone talking so I thought i'd see who came by. What are you guys talking about?" I smile slightly and cough.

"Oh, alright. Were actually talking right now when are you guys gonna come over to our house, since you know, its New Years." Lilian said with a chuckle.

"Were gonna come over at afternoon, does that sound okay Lilian?" My mom said.

"Of course! It's gonna be so fun." Lilian responded.

After a bit of talking with Lilian, I went inside to my room. I don't wanna go there. I just wanna stay at home, alone and snuggled up in my bed, sleeping.

But, I had no choice.

16:20 PM, 31.12.2008

We were now packing up to go to their house. I just put my pjs and two hoodies with two pants in my small suitcase. I also put two oatmeal bars, incase my stomach would rumble or my hands would shake.

Can't forget the razor blade.

Anyway, I went downstairs and saw my dad getting their suitcase out. I put on my jacket and slipped on my converse.