"𝐭𝐨𝐦, 𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮."

Faint.

February came fast. During the month, I stopped eating completely, in hopes that I would lose weight. I even started a journal which consisted my diets and weight. I always hid it in a secluded place, in a drawer with some other stuff.

I just survived on water these days. At first, my stomach was tingling and I wanted to eat something, but now it's easy. I grew that, whenever I looked at food, I felt like throwing up. I couldn't eat anything due to that feeling i've developed.

I never really went to Tom's house to talk. Just made excuses, saying I was busy. Though I was curious what he wanted to talk about, but..I don't really care anyway right now.

My whole body was on the verge of quitting. Whenever I would go to school, I would atleast be late so much. That's how much I went slow, like a turtle.

Everytime there would be the end of class, I would be the last one to get out. Mainly because of two reasons: either did I sleep or either it's because im weak and slow.

The bullying continued ever since that day in January. They called me names and always had something to say about me wearing oversize clothes and sleeping.

12:30 PM, 15.2.2009

English finally ended and of course, everyone rushed to go outside the classroom. I slowly put my backpack over my shoulder, careful not to wince.

I finally got out of the classroom, feeling really uncomfortable. I walked through the crowd of people, my social anxiety rising up slowly. The hallways were loud with chatter and yelling. I went for the bathroom, wanting to take deep breaths to relieve my anxiety.

There was nobody in the women's stall, thank God. I go in a stall and sit on the floor, my backpack beside me. I take small, deep breaths and close my eyes.

That relieved me slowly, it always worked whenever I had anxiety or panic attacks. Though, I had a very bad feeling in my stomach, like a pit was in it. I didn't feel like crying, I sort of felt like...throwing up.
But, I didn't have to throw up anything.

Anyway, the bell rang slowly after those thoughts. I still wanted to stay here, since it was calm and there wasn't nobody. And so, I did. I stood there that whole time during class. Exactly 45 minutes.

Though, as I stood up to go to the next class, I felt like fainting. Jesus, I saw stars and all sorts of shapes infront of my eyes for a second. I went to the mirror and looked at myself, placing my hands on the sink. I guess I really did lose myself, huh?

My eyes were all puffy and red from crying. I noticed at the corner, they've developed a small burn scar. Probably because I cried so much.
My forehead was a bit dark, and my cheeks were pale. Really pale.

I lifted down the turtleneck of the shirt I was wearing, revealing numerous bruises from Alina and those two dogs, Selina and Olivia.

I heard someone coming in the restroom and I quickly pulled up my turtleneck. Looking over at the door, a girl came in. She looked so pretty unlike me. Blonde straight hair with some black highlights, blue eyes like the ocean and light tanned skin. She looked like an angel.

"Hey." She said with a small smile, approaching the mirror with her chanel bag.

I was honestly real insecure and embarrassed at that moment. I didn't even know her.

"..hi." I mumble, giving her the small smile back.

She pulled out a small lipstick from her bag, looking at herself in the mirror and applying it. Damn did she remind me of my sister. She would also do the same thing in school, spending every single break in school on applying makeup and touching her hair up.