I'm Gonna Miss You

Chapter 20: Losing The Last Piece

As I dried myself off and got out of the shower that evening, I thought about the advice Gramps gave me the day before. His mind may have been muffled from the clouds of old age, but he was still as sharp as he ever was when it came to advice. He knew exactly how to handle my fits, and who I was as a person, all because Nelson took it on as his own responsibility to send letter after letter to him every week. When Gramps mentioned the letters, I wanted to say something about the ones Nelson left for me, but what was the point? 

I didn't want anyone else reading what he said, because in a way it was very personal. He told me things that he hadn't intended to tell anyone else. What gave me the right to disclose that information? With that in mind, I never said a word about it to my family, the only other people who knew were Dylan and Kyan. Even though I had to hold back with the words I wanted to say, Gramps didn't have to, and his words meant more than anything. He made a deal with me, one I intend to keep. That I would not cry until I have a strong enough reason to. His words of wisdom didn't even have to apply to boys, it applied to almost everything. Problems, school, friends, family, little things that don't deserve my tears.

As I dressed in my light blue shorts, and a black sweater, I told myself over and over again that I would act normal no matter what happened. Whether I had to see Dylan, or if I had to talk to him, I would treat the matter as if nothing happened the day before. As if I never saw anything. As if it didn't happen. I sat down on the chair pushed under my desk and draped my hair over to one side of my shoulder. The stamp tore off with a familiar rip, as I pulled out the rest of the letter.

'Lilah,

I hope you're having fun. Especially with the new people you've met (hopefully).
There are a million things you were good at, but the one thing I will always remember you for will be your drawings. All your little doodles and sketches.

You could draw a cartoonish figure that made me laugh, or you could sketch out such a realistic picture of someone I knew. Every single time you handed me a piece of paper with your drawing on it, I had to brace myself for the amazement in store for me.
You are talented, Lilah. 
Don't deny that.
It's way too obvious for you to deny it anymore.
Which is why I always worried how your future would go...
Knowing mom and dad they will push you into A&E too. They'll tell you that drawing doesn't give you a stable income, that it won't be able to support you. Don't listen to them, whatever you do, do not listen. It's not true.
Even if you study accounting and turn out the way they want you too, you'll either be too miserable with how you ended up or you won't have enough time to start a family, or worse... Both.
Drawing is what you love to do. Who says nobody will hire you?
The very first place you go to, will hire you in the snap of a finger, if they don't it's their loss.
You're just a junior so you don't have to think much of this yet, but I know that they will try to burn the idea in your head. They will keep pressing and pressing until you start to believe their words. Until you convince yourself that going to A&E was your own idea in the first place. That it was what you always wanted. 
I'm hoping with all my heart that that will never happen to you.
You have a good head on those shoulders, and you won't be as easily fooled as I was. That you will learn to back out of it before it's too late. Before you receive your acceptance letter in the mail and realize there's nothing left to do.

Because that's what happened to me.
I waited until the last minute to finally say I wasn't going to A&E, instead of putting my foot down the very first time they mentioned it.
Look how that turned out.
I fought all my teenage years just to tell them that I wanted something different for me. That I wanted a life in music. Yet even at the very last second I did not say no to them. I pushed the idea away but I never got rid of it.
The minute they mention A&E, tell them what you really want.
I don't know what you really want in life, I don't know if you're still as addicted to drawing as you were before, but what I do know is, you do not want to get into accounting.
You excel in maths yes, but I know that you don't want to be going through numbers for the rest of your life.
I can't tell you exactly what to do, but I can help you remember that this is your life, not mom and dad's. They don't get to hold onto the steering wheel. You're driving. It's up to you where to go.