I'm Gonna Miss You

Chapter 25: Perfect Timing

I got up early on a Saturday morning, but hadn't left my bedroom the entire time. I was looking for excuses to stay in bed and avoid the appointment awaiting me. Eventually, I groaned as I got into the shower, slumping my shoulders as I had no choice but to give in and do what I planned. Ever since the photos from my shoot came out last week, there had been mixed feelings in the air, from everyone and from myself. There were multitudes of comments on how people disliked me and my existence. Those words cut through me like a steak knife, leaving a long and wide scar across my heart.

The closest thing I got to a positive shout out was when people would say that, given my circumstances, I was still brave enough to push through with an advertisement that would draw even more attention to me. With that being said, there was a negative side to their idea. Contrasting the thoughts of others, some spoke up and said that this was just a cry for attention. A way for me to be drawn into the spotlight once more. As much as I wanted to ignore these remarks and move on with my life, the constant reminder of the judgmental faces lurked in my school.

My eyes had shut last night, the last thing I had seen was a terrible comment that brought tears to my eyes. Every day after school, I spent my time reading the hate and disgust that everyone posted so freely about me. It was scattered all over the internet. Threads were stacking up on every social media account I had. Dylan caught me a few times reading these things and he had to pry the phone out of my hands just to stop me. It was my own fault for opening the window for him in the first place. I threw my clothes onto the sink as I stepped in the shower, the previous aggressive comment still drifting about my mind.

'She has it so good and yet she acts like she's a victim. Thought she'd be better than that.'

The words didn't sting like they were supposed to, but hearing a complete stranger's disappointment in my own actions twisted the knife in my gut. Thanks to the internet, I won't be able to find out who this person is all because of an anonymity button. Another tear ran down my face, before I stopped myself, not wanting a tear streaked face as I walk out of this house. Too many things were running through my mind to focus on one particular quote.

Every morning for the past few days, Dylan would come knocking on my window to make sure I was okay. I didn't have to say much or even open up the hatch, he just wanted to see me alive and breathing. Today was different. Although I got up early, I waited for him to come by and tap his knuckles against the glass, but he never showed up. Maybe he was already sick of having to take care of me. Maybe he finally came to his senses and gave up on such a worthless case.

By the time I had gotten out of the shower, it was already 11. Today was the day of the interview for the one hour special, that would either make me sound like a terrible person, or help me clean up my name. I put on a white blouse and a pair of dark blue pants followed by a bright red blazer. I slipped my feet into my black heels and put on a few pieces of jewelry, earrings and a necklace. In all honesty, I was scared of going to the set today. I didn't plan out what I was going to tell them, although I should've, but the entire week, I was too distracted with my own somber to think straight. I had told only three people about this, Kyan, Tony, and Dylan. I told them not to worry about me when the day came, and they reluctantly agreed. However, right now, I wished that they were here with me to keep me calm.

I grabbed my phone, wallet and house keys, shoving them into my bag. Taking in a deep breath, I trudged down the steps hoping that my grandparents would be busy. I hadn't worried much about seeing my parents today and having to make an excuse as I left the house, because they were already at work. I found myself turning the corner as I walked into the kitchen, following the scent of a charred meal. It smelled sweet, but at the same time, burnt. The sudden memory of Nelson's cooking ran through my mind. I know I told myself that I was not going to remember him for the bad days, but sometimes I can't help it.