I'm Gonna Miss You

Chapter 22: School Looks A Lot Like Hell

It had been a couple days since I last looked at the final letter from Nelson, and I was doing fine. Define 'fine'. Yes, I admit it. It was weird not to be able to read a letter from my own brother every day. It was weird that I couldn't hear his voice in my head, or read his smudged and messy handwriting but what was I gonna do? I couldn't expect to have a letter in my hands until the day I died. I had to move on some time and what better time than now?

There were days were all I wanted was to sit in my room, surrounded by the pile of papers and read them until the sun came back up. Every time I glanced at the box underneath my desk, I felt my heart slow down till it felt like it was going to stop. My head would slightly lift off my shoulders until it felt like it was all the way up in the clouds, inches from drifting into space. Although I wanted to admit I needed his words, I didn't want to go back to depending on someone who wasn't here anymore.

Every thought was swirling inside my head, messing up any sort of focus that I had. As I trudged down the steps I found my parents sitting at the dining table, eating their breakfast. Since school was starting, it meant that I was going to start seeing my parents every morning. The three of us were now waking up at the same time. It was nice seeing them in the mornings, it was a good way to start the day. I sat down across from them as my mom handed me a plate and pushed the serving tray in my direction.

I took a plateful of spaghetti and two slices of buttered bread. "Are you excited for school?" I pulled my cardigan over my tattoo, hiding it from them as I stretched my hand to fill my plate.

"I am, actually." I nodded as I spoke. "Isn't this a bit heavy for breakfast?"

"They're leftovers from last night." My mom said, as she twirled a few noodles onto her fork.

My dad slurped his meal and wiped his mouth before he spoke. "Do you need a ride to school?"

"No, I'm fine. Kyan's picking me up." I smiled, taking my first bite. "Just go to work and stop worrying about me. I'm a junior. I know how to get by."

"Okay! Love you!" My mom took their plates to the kitchen and rinsed them in the sink.

My dad gripped his car keys and kissed me on the top of my head. "We'll be back around seven."

"Love you guys! Bye!"

I finished my food and gently lay the plate in the sink, acknowledging that my grandparents were still asleep in their room. The elderly couple was usually the first to wake up, given that it had become a tradition to get up early once you're over fifty. I didn't wake up at the earliest time, which meant that I caught my parents right before they had to leave. I took one last look at the clock, and huffed as my feet made their way to the front door, my hands clutching onto my bag.

I walked out of my house wearing a dark shaded salmon dress, a grey cardigan that reached my knees, and grey felt ankle boots. It wasn't as hot as it usually was, actually it was colder today than it had been all summer. I took out the red beanie that I stuffed inside my bag, and pulled it over my head. I stood on the edge of the sidewalk, readjusting my bag strap as I looked down the street waiting for a familiar car.

Kyan was supposed to be here thirty minutes ago. There was no sign of her car anywhere on my street. I shifted my weight onto one leg as I impatiently waited for her, tapping the sole of my foot against the cement. My patience was burning second by second, slowly disappearing. I whipped out my phone and tapped away at the screen in anger.

'Kee! Where are you?'

Whenever I'd go out with friends-- by 'whenever' I mean the rare days I leave my house, and by 'friends' I mean Kyan, I was always a little late. I never minded the time I arrived, or whether they were waiting for me or not, because to me it didn't really matter. But this was school, it was different. I took school seriously, and anyone who peered at my report card would know that. A straight A student with no record of misconduct or tardiness. That was me. I was the nerd in my school, minus the glasses, braces and awkward social habits.