I'm Gonna Miss You

Chapter 9: A Few Words

It was Saturday night, right after dinner. My parents were still out of town on their meeting and my grandparents had fallen asleep already. Kyan had gone home a few days ago. I told her not to spend too much time worrying about me and instead to go home and spend some time with her family, to which she reluctantly agreed.

I lay on the roof outside, my knees drawn close to my chest. Tomorrow I'd have to get up early and go to the cemetery for my brother's funeral. I wasn't looking forward to it, but the dreaded day came anyways. I sent out the invitations last Thursday, hoping that it wasn't too last minute for everyone to come. All I could do for now was sit and relax. When morning comes, then I could cry and be hysterical.

"Who died?" Dylan called out as he climbed onto the roof.

I gave him a tiny smile, hiding my tears from his view as I dropped my head. "My brother."

He gave a little chuckle, assuming I was joking, but all signs of cheer dropped from his face when he realized I wasn't. "Shit." He sat down beside me. "I'm so sorry. That was supposed to be a joke. I didn't mean it." He cupped his mouth with his hand.

I shook my head, still not looking up at him. "It's okay. You didn't know."

"Was that the reason you ran off the other night?" His voice came out soft and pleasant.

"Yep." My voice cracked in the middle of the word.

I felt his hand gently touch my chin and lift my head to face him. "I'm really sorry." He used his thumb to wipe away the tears. "Is it rude if I ask how?"

"It's not." A real smile widened on my face only to be dropped as the following words poured out. "He shot himself in his dorm room." The level of emotion was now rising inside me.

I looked away from him, breaking away from his gaze and his hand. I shut my eyes, letting the tears drop from my face. I tightened my lips, biting back my sobs and cries. I didn't want to keep crying over the same thing over and over again but what could I do? My body wasn't listening to me. At that moment, something made me feel safer. It made me stop crying.

That thing was Dylan. He scooted closer to me on the roof until there was no space between us. His arm surrounded me, coming across my shoulders and holding me tight. I didn't care that he had a girlfriend, because right now it was just a friend comforting a friend. The warmth from his body helped soothe my nerves. For a moment we were silent.

"What do you think happens when we die?" I held my own arms, still not looking at Dylan.

When the silence grew louder, I wondered if he had even heard me. I was about to repeat myself when he stopped me. "Look up at the sky."

"What?" I was baffled by his request.

"Just do it." He squeezed my shoulders.

I reluctantly looked up, furrowing my eyebrows as I did so. "What am I supposed to be looking at?"

"Look for your favourite star." My eyes began scanning the brightly lit sky as I looked for a star that attracted my attention.

I pointed at the one I selected. "You see those bundle of dim stars?" He nodded. "The one really bright one in the middle of it all. That one."

"Every time you think of Nelson, or you miss him, look for that star." I stared at Dylan as if he were crazy. "Doesn't matter where you are, you'll always find that star." His arm still rested around me.

"Why a star?" I asked.

He shrugged. "You're always out here anyways, just staring at the sky. You said this place made you feel at peace. Wasn't that how Nelson made you feel?"