Infinitely

You're not really a good person, Sarah

I stand there for a minute watching Eliza try to hide the fact that she's crying. If she's so upset I don't know why she thinks she has to tell Jonas but I know it's better for me if she does. Then he can tell her I didn't do anything wrong. I don't really know what to do with myself but I do know Claire needs help so I go to the back door and let myself out.

"Where are you going?" Eliza demands.

"To help Claire," I don't stop walking until I get to Claire's house. I let myself in and don't bother looking around to find her. I just start picking up the laundry and sorting it into piles.

"Claire?" Jenna comes in a little while later. "Oh, Sarah, what are you doing?" she asks.

"Laundry," I huff, because what the hell else would I be doing with a pile of dirty kids clothes?

"I'm glad you're here, I've been so worried," Jenna has her kids with her. "Go play," she tells them.

"Eliza said she's just doing this for attention," I tell her.

"I thought that too but it's gotten worse," Jenna shakes her head. "Jonas says not to worry but," she stops talking and looks around. "She's stopped getting out of bed," Jenna whispers. "I think we need to do something."

"Like what?" I've never seen this happen before. Mother Jessica cried for a week after she had her baby but it did go away. And she still did everything she needed to, she just cried while she was doing it.

"I don't know," Jenna sighs. "Oh my heck, what is that smell?" she demands.

"I don't really smell anything," I shrug.

"It's the pregnant nose," Jenna pinches her nose closed and peeks behind the couch. "Sarah, oh no," she cringes and turns to run outside. I see her lean over a bush like she's being sick.

As much as I really don't want to I know I have to look behind the couch. I try to brace myself but when I look all I see are dirty diapers. They do smell, and this is disgusting, but it's not as bad as I'd expected. I motion for Jenna to wait outside while I get a trash bag and clean it all up.

With every diaper I throw in the trash I get more and more furious with Jonas. There's no way this is okay and what the hell is he doing over here every night if he's not at least cleaning up so the kids are safe? It's not healthy for them to run around with the house like this. I don't want to but I think of the house my dad took me to in Hill's Canyon where the kids peed on the floor.

After I've wrestled all the trash I can find out to the garage I tell Jenna it's safe to come back inside. I leave her doing laundry while I work on cleaning the kitchen. Since the dishwasher is full I make myself wash some of the dishes by hand.

Jenna and I have the first floor of the house clean by the time Jonas gets home. He looks excited when he sees that everything is clean but when he sees me and Jenna working his smile fades.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"Jonas, this place was unfit for animals let alone children," Jenna is the first to speak and I'm thankful because at least she can blame her hormones for whatever she says.

"Claire's not going to pull herself together if you two coddle her," Jonas interrupts.

"I don't think she can pull herself together," Jenna protests.

"I said I would handle it," he snaps. "Sarah, you come with me," he grabs my hand and starts for the back door.

"You're hurting me," I protest.

"Good," he snaps back. "Are you happy now?"

"What did I do wrong?" I demand.

"You've upset Eliza," he says. "After we agreed today would be our secret."